How The Disabled Become Able

I’ll be honest.  I wasn’t quite sure I was up to the task. 

I haven’t spent much time around kids with special needs.  I can pretty much charm my way into most kids’ hearts.  I can figure them out in a couple minutes and talk Batman or Barbies till we’re friends.  I think of creative ways to teach them things. And I’m confident that if they got a headache or fell down or had some minor crisis, my capabilities would rise to the occasion with little difficulty.

But the kids who can’t hear me?  Who don’t understand what I’m saying?  Who can’t speak?  Who aren’t even aware I’m there?

This morning, I was preparing to help in a public school’s special needs classroom for the first time. I was honestly very nervous.  I just thought that with my lack of knowledge, experience, and skills, I was going to fail those kids, those teachers, and everyone else miserably.  Quite honestly, there were moments where I regretted offering to help.  “Wherever needed,” I’d said, trusting that the Lord would place me where He wanted me.  But when I received my assignment, my selfishness replaced my altruism.  Instead of seeing the great opportunity to help, to support, to strengthen, and to be taught new and amazing things, I was sad to not be able to march in and impress.  Worried that my ego wouldn’t get the dose of atta-girl it craved.  Pouty because I wouldn’t be admired for my abilities; and really, that my abilities that mattered in this application were few.

Funny how God humbles us as He cares for us.

The boys and I opened the Bible at breakfast.  We’d started reading the book of Philippians a week ago.  Guess where we picked up today.  You won’t believe it, but I’m telling the truth.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.  Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow… and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” – Philippians 2:3-11

Did I feel sheepish?  Yes.  No wonder I need a Good Shepherd.

I’ve studied this book many, many times and learned so much each time…things I was sure I’d never forget.  This morning, though?  I didn’t get it.  I asked the boys how they thought it was possible to live like this…to do nothing out of selfishness; to truly look out for others’ interests; to think of others as more important than myself; to stop grasping the idea that I’m above serving others when it might leave me bruised and bloodied.

“We can’t,” was the answer. 

“What should I do, then, when I find I don’t live like this?”  They thought I was doing that Mama-the-Bible-Teacher thing.  But I was really asking.

The answer came from the 4-year-old who’s usually more concerned with playing with his food than being a part of our discussion:

“You should pray to Jesus, and ask Him to make you new.”

Deep sigh.  Did I really think I was going to go it alone today? 

We finished up with this part of the passage:

“So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” – Philippians 2:12-13

The God who saved me by His own goodness…was He going to now let me walk out the door without Him?  To prove something?  To earn something?

I signed up to help because of His work in me.

I was given this assignment because of His work in me.

I walked into that classroom because of His work in me.

And I will not be ashamed, and He will not be ashamed of me.  This is HIS WORK.  When did I start thinking it was mine?

I prayed in the parking lot that God would give me what I needed for the task ahead, and, upon entering the classroom, realized that I should’ve been praying for Laura, Jenny, Pam, and Amanda instead.

Do you know what I saw?  I saw four women who had chosen a job that required them to care for others above themselves.  I saw a little boy, barely conscious, loved on and cared for by these ladies as if he were their son.  I saw diapers on an 11-year-old changed without complaint.  I saw determination in these teachers to strengthen their kids and see them grow, even if it meant their own comfort was compromised and their rest was minimized.  And it is, daily. 

What did I have to offer these kids?  These ladies, with their hard-working hands?

Not much, really.  That’s just the plain and simple truth.  But….

I had the privilege of doing some exercises with a few of the kids.  They were hilarious.  Gabby, who’d refused to do the exercises earlier, agreed to do them with me.  She felt sorry for the “new girl”.

I got to hold flash cards for Mark.  He beamed with the best smile I’ve ever seen each time he’d get a sight word right.

I saw Lila fall in love with the word “home”.  Truly.  She hugged it.  I heard that last year, she couldn't sit still.  Here she is... reading and loving words.

I cleaned a bit for the ladies and listened to anything they felt like sharing.  I didn’t feel like I’d really worked at all.  And that was the most humbling part of the profuse thanks I received.

What does it take to live like Jesus?  It takes Jesus.  He’s got to live His life through you and I, or the equation falls apart.  Me plus my effort still equals nothing.  We are disabled at heart... we are not able to love as we were made to love.  But Jenny works patiently with Gabby, and Gabby grows and changes.  Jesus works patiently within us, and renews our minds and mends our hearts.  We grow and change.  It is HE who is at work; which means there’s no task of love that we can’t do.  It is HE who makes us able.

Are you in over your head?  I am.  And it’s the best feeling.  If we’re there, reader, that means we’re being invited to be propelled by the love and strength of the Almighty…to just show up and experience His hands at work.  And we look forward to that day…when every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess.

You know who I want to be dancing with on that day?

The kids and teachers I met today in Room A5.  Just imagine….

Lockdown Drills and Christmas Trees: The Contrast You Can Trust

Darkness sometimes looks to me like lockdown drills.  Twice a year.  And one time last year?  It wasn’t a drill.

What kind of world is this…where we have to practice a drill just in case someone comes to our elementary school and….

The doors have to be locked, lights turned off, and kids hidden silently behind bookshelves.

Away from the windows.

Away from the doors.

NO noise.

“It’s just in case someone comes on campus to try and sell drugs or something,” says Andy.  That “or something”.  It makes the knees weak and the hands shake; the stomach turn and the heart break.

They don’t tell them what it’s for.  But I know.  And it weighs heavy. 

What if…

What if I spent the rest of my life weeping and wishing I’d never set foot in that school to sign up my most precious ones…the ones I’d never see again?  When I think through what really could happen, what good is a lockdown drill when evil walks through the door?

It’s enough to make me want to have a lockdown in my own home.  We stay there, we never go out…we close the world OUT.

But I drive to school and I zip up jackets and kiss foreheads and watch as they walk across the cross walk.  I desperately pray protection over them, over their teachers. 

I get in the car…and sometimes?  Push down the lump that rises in my throat.  Push away the wild urge to sprint across that crosswalk, scoop up those boys with baby faces, and run away…never to come back. 

And it makes me start thinking: are they safe anywhere?

What kind of world is this?  It’s one where children are abused by their parents; daycare centers make headlines; police officers are targets; malls and movie theaters and schools become mass murder crime scenes. 

“WHY”?  we shriek.  We wildly grope for some kind of understanding that will steady us. It’s shocking and it’s horrifying and it’s absolutely unbearable. But according to the Bible, it’s just what you’d expect:

“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?” -Jeremiah 17:9

The world’s ugliest and darkest things prove the truth of God’s word.  If the human race is composed entirely of desperately sick hearts that are more deceitful…that lie more…than anything else, then murder, abuse, theft, hatred…

It’s all to be expected.

And our Father, when He formed the foundations of the world, He did expect it.

“Then why won’t He do anything about it?”, we cry.

You mean like, wiping out the entire human race?

“Oh…no…just the bad people.”

Sounds ok.  Except for this:

“They have all turned aside, together they have become corrupt; There is no one who does good, not even one.” – Psalm 14:3

Not even one.  Not even me, not even you, not even the nicest person we’ve met.  Not one of us gets the label that reads: “good person”.

It is into this world…the one FULL of desperately sick, deceitful hearts that hurt and break and kill and destroy… that Jesus came.

“The people who were sitting in darkness saw a great light, and those who were sitting in the land and shadow of death, upon them a light dawned” – Isaiah 9:2 and Matthew 4:16.  (Because He told us He’d do it, and He did.)

“...although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.” – Philippians 2:6-7

Jesus left behind the glory of heaven, emptied Himself of His rights and comforts and power as God, and came here.  To be carried around and cared for by first-time parents.  To have fevers and the stomach flu and pain.  To weep beside graves and hold shattered friends.  To be overlooked, betrayed, misunderstood, plotted against, falsely accused.

To be killed.  To die a criminal’s death.  To die our death.

As I write this here in a little coffee shop, the Beatles’ “Let It Be” plays softly. “Let it Be”… the song of the helpless. What else can we do but let it be?  We’re powerless to change anything about our own black hearts, let alone others’.

But God.  He could’ve let it be.  He could’ve turned His back on this world full of people who turned their backs on Him.  He could’ve let us be and let us destroy ourselves for eternity.  It’s what we’ve earned, after all, with our demands that we have it all our own way.

He didn’t.  He did something. “There will be an answer”.  There IS One. 

The question each person has to face is the same one I face when I drop my boys off at school.  It’s the same one we face when we’re tempted to worry instead of pray; when we’ve got to do something obedient and difficult; when we’re tempted to take control instead of follow Him into the unknown:

Can He be trusted?

If God has led us to raise our kids within the public school system, can He be trusted with the outcome of our following Him there? 

Can He be trusted in your situation?

If He existed as the almighty watchmaker who wound up the universe and then sat back to watch as it unwound, I’d say, “No.”

If He existed as the divine puppet-master who controls world events and people’s lives for his own entertainment, I’d say, “No”.

If He existed as a bigger, more powerful version of humans, with all manner of weakness and volatility, I’d say, “No”.

If there were no evidence that He existed in the first place, I’d say, “No.”

But there is Christmas.

There are actually thousands of reasons to believe that this God is who He says He is…and completely opposite of all I’ve just described; but let’s just look at this one act of His for a moment.

God, who owns everything and needs nothing, created us to enjoy relationship with Him.  He gave us the freedom to choose to reject Him.  We ran away and said we wanted anything but Him.  He provided a planet filled with food and oxygen and oceans and sunsets for us to live in and enjoy with Him. We said He was unnecessary, and congratulated ourselves for being self-sufficient.  He told us the truth…that without Him, we’d destroy ourselves…and His heart broke at the thought of His little ones being destroyed.  We plugged our ears and said we’d rather listen to pretty-sounding lies.

We destroyed ourselves.

And we took the beautiful world He made and spilled blood all over it with our hard hearts that would have none of His love.

He could have set this planet ablaze and been done with it.  He’d have been completely justified in doing it, too.  After all, don’t you and I get rid of things we’ve made when they become ruined?  When they don’t serve the purpose we meant them for?

Instead, He came to get us.

He entered into this world that has brought about its own suffering.  He did not stay above the suffering, where He rightfully belonged, but entered into it with us.  And then, He drank down the totality of the suffering into His very own heart.  The suffering of sin (all that we weren’t meant for)…of hatred and illness and death…all that separates us from each other and from Him… He took it all.                         Because we’d earned separation from the Father, He was separated from His Father.  Because we deserved death, He died. 

And then, He rose.  In the greatest victory the world has ever known, He conquered all that previously had the power to destroy us.  The veil was torn, and we were invited in.

He came to get you.  To bring you with Him…to the place where peace reigns and joy is unending and tears never flow. 

Can you trust a God who would do such a thing?

Reader, when you look at the Christmas tree today, will you remember with me the God who hung on a tree in your place?  When you look at the lights all around, will you remember with me that He, who could’ve left us in the darkness of our making, came to dispel the darkness and get us back? 

If He was willing to love us like this…long before we were ever sorry for anything we’d done…long before we cared to have anything to do with Him, can He be trusted with our lives?  He has not guaranteed that we will be free of trouble if we follow Him.  But Jesus did say this:

“These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world” – John 16:33

Do you know what “these things” are that Jesus had spoken to them?  They were His death, resurrection, and the promise of the Holy Spirit.  They were instructions on praying in His name.  They were assurances of the Father’s presence with Jesus, and Jesus’ forever presence with them.

Jesus’ coming, celebrated at Christmas, means that even if our worst fears are realized, that is never the end.  Death and destruction and pain do not get the last word.  He conquered them all.   His death, His resurrection, and the presence of the Holy Spirit ensure that nothing in this life is ever the end.  He is making all things new.

You may be walking through your worst fears right now.  I may be walking through mine next month.  But neither of us is ever alone, because our God came to get us. Neither of us is ever without hope, because Jesus came to get us.  Christmas will be over soon, as will this life.  But when we go to the place where the celebration never ends?

“…He will swallow up death forever.  The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; He will remove His people’s disgrace from all the earth.  The Lord has spoken.  In that day they will say, “Surely this is our God; we trusted in Him, and He saved us.  This is the Lord, we trusted in Him, let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation” – Isaiah 25:8-9

May the anticipation of this be what fuels your Christmas...the brightest, boldest, sharpest contrast to the darkness of this world.  A truly audacious celebration.

The One Language - Part 2

You know what they’re saying, don’t you?

About how everyone who voted for this one is _______.

And everyone who voted for that one is ________.

And how anyone who voted for ________ can’t possibly be a thinking, rational, compassionate, or faithful person.

Who’s out there spewing this stuff?

3^rd graders.  Kindergarteners. 

I was reluctant to tell our kids who we voted for in this U.S. Presidential election because I didn’t want them to feel as if they had to defend their parents when these sorts of discussions arose in school.  I wanted them to be able to say, “I don’t know” when kids tried to figure out whose “side” their family was on, and thus, what kind of people they were.

But sometimes, the thing we’re avoiding can be a door to a new opportunity to learn and grow and draw upon fresh grace.  And sometimes, kids are relentless. I told them.

And then I told them that they did not need to be part of any political discussions at school, and that none of their peers would be educated enough to have a real discussion about the facts anyway, and that in fact, neither were they.

“Ok.  But can I?” asked Andy.

Sigh.  This boy does not avoid the uncomfortable.  And it makes me uncomfortable.

“I don’t want you to get in any fights over this”, I said.

“Can I at least talk to the ones that agree with me?”

I felt a whole lot better about that.  No risk.  “Yeah – that’s fine”.

But also, no gain.

I went back and told him that it’s important that we listen to what people who differ from us have to say, because they are valuable.  They have infinite worth.  Jesus died for them.

And we are not always 100% right about everything.  Only God is.  Only God.

I told him that making a point, however right it seemed, was not nearly as important as caring for the heart inside that one who opposes you.  The words we say can be soothing salve or stinging salt delivered right to the wounded heart.

All this talk about our words made me think of the one language we discussed in the last post, you and I.  The one language we all need to learn?   That of our Father, who is love.  Who is Love. The point of learning a language?  To speak it.  To communicate.

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.” – 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Boy…I sure can do a lot of weighty things in this world that amount to absolutely nothing. 

We can amass knowledge and use our spiritual gifts and devise great arguments and give our stuff away.  But if we lack love?

When I speak, I am, at best, a noisy gong.

When I use my gifts of knowledge and faith to demonstrate great truths and gain the respect and admiration of others?  I find in the end, that I am actually…nothing.

If I give away everything I have, even my own care for my own body, in a show of great generosity, it profits me nothing.

These gifts are vehicles for the language of Love.  So they are useless without it.  They communicate nothing on their own.

How often have I resentfully served someone out of a sense of duty?  Given out of guilt?  Used my knowledge of the truth to speak in judgement of someone?

…And communicated nothing.

“By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” – John 13:35

They will not know simply because we give.  They will not know simply because we quote scripture.  They will not know by the faith we express and the stances we take.  And we want them to know…they must know.  After all, Jesus has charged all believers with the job of going out into the world and making disciples.  What will cause us to stand out in the world as disciples of the living God is ours speaking the language only taught by Him.  The communication of Love.

It is only this communication that ever amounts to anything.  Only this that lasts.

“…For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” – Luke 6:45

May I ask you a personal question?  What is your heart language?  Would you be willing to measure your words against Paul’s description of  God’s language?

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice with unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I don’t know about you, but the evidence that comes out of my mouth quite often shows the lack of love in my heart.  But I ask you: What is better?  To willfully engage in conversation with people that expose my deficit, or only speak with those who agree with me so that I never have to face it?  The deficit is there whether I acknowledge it or not.

And our lack of love for people who think differently…it grows with negligence.  Ask me how I know.

What to do when we discover that we lack love?  We must run. Run to the Source of it:

“The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.  In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” – 1 John 4:8-12

When I find that I am speaking some tongue other than Love, I find an invitation from God to allow Him…to allow Love…to fill yet another part of my own broken heart.  God Himself manifested His love in me by sending His only Son into the world, that I might live through Him.  It is through HIM, not through my rights, not through my pride, not through my achievements, not through my culture, and not through my political stance, that I live. And I, who did not love God, but rather, loved myself and hated Him, have been loved by God in a way that cost Him dearly. I didn’t deserve…I don’t deserve His love.  Yet He gives it because He is love.  He can do no other than love. 

If this is true…if I have received and continue to receive undeserved love from its very Source, I will find that I, too, can do no other but to love another.  The language of love pours out of the one whose heart is filled with it. 

Lord, fill us completely.  Fill us to overflowing.  Make the shallow ponds of our hearts into geysers that gush with Your love…right out of our mouths.

Andy did not get in any fights over politics this month.  As it turns out, when kids are just repeating what they hear adults saying, they don’t have a whole lot of conviction to fuel their feuds.  However, when assigned to write about what  he’d do as president of the U.S. yet again this year, Andy did address abortion as before, but also devised a bully rehab program.  Andy has encountered several children who mistreat others this year, and it infuriates him.  There’s no excuse, in his mind, to ever treat people badly…especially physically.  However, as we’ve talked and prayed over these children, Andy has allowed compassion to replace his anger.  He’s thought about what it might be like to go home to an empty house, or to a neglectful parent, or to mean siblings, or to just simply not know that there is a God in heaven who loves him.  While he may not understand a bully, he is allowing God to apply His unlimited understanding to his heart, and fill him with Himself…with Love.

Andy said to me this morning, “I think a bully’s problem is that he doesn’t know he’s loved.  He doesn’t see how he belongs in the world.  The key to changing their lives is not punishment, but love.”  His program would invite families to receive help in a variety of ways, from monetary help to counseling.  His team would work to discover each child’s gifts and interests in order to give them a sense of purpose and belonging. However, the program’s most important work would be to educate people about who God is, what He’s done, and what that means for them. He believes that the knowledge of God’s love will heal the angry or fearful or broken heart….

And make them new.

Friend, draw near to God today.  Let Him fill every empty, broken, bleeding place in your heart.  Find that there is no end to His abundant love; and find yourself unable to contain it.

“…This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.” – John 15:12

The One Language We All Need To Learn

Levi and I speak different languages.  It sounds like we're both speaking English, but we certainly don't understand each other… about 70% percent of the time.

And we are both frustrated by this fact.

Example?

"Mama - today, one of my friends got in a fight, but I stayed out of it because I didn't want to get in trouble."

"Ok...did you go get a teacher?"

"When?"

"During the fight.  To get them to stop."

"Oh.  Not during during the fight."

"What does that mean?"

"Well it wasn't really a fight."

"What was it?

"Some kids were pushing my friend around and just like... messing with him."

"Ok...well how did it end?"

"Good"

"No...."

"Bad."

"No.  Levi.  What happened that made it end?

"They just kept fighting."

"Well how did the fight end?"

"It didn't end."

"They're still fighting?'

"No."

"So how did it end?

"Good."

I'll spare you the rest, but suffice to say that when we attempted to discuss what to do if someone was actually bullying Levi or his friends, he interpreted my advice as follows: "If someone says I'm a bully, I can punch them all I want"

Clearly, this is not what I said.

We have no control over the way someone else interprets what we say.

…Or over what matters to them…

Levi loves school.  He loves school so much that, for the entire first week, he wouldn’t stop what he was doing to go to the bathroom.  All day.  Levi could not bear to miss one minute of kindergarten action; so he ended up with wet pants….multiple times a day.

And he did not see this as a problem.

Now that you know about our communication issue, how effective do you think I was at helping him understand that it was a problem?

I’m sure you’ve guessed correctly, and I hope you’re getting a bit of a chuckle from it while we’re at it.

 We have no control over what matters to someone else.

The inability to conform another’s thinking to ours, or even to understand a mind that operates so differently from ours, brings great frustration.

I’ll tell you another little tidbit here.  Different kid, same issue.

I’ll just say that I have spent inordinate amounts of time explaining to Andy our reasons for not celebrating Halloween.  Every year of his life that he has been able to speak, we have discussed Halloween at length.  Ad nauseum.  Far, far more than necessary.  Because when someone in class…kid, teacher, or parent…asked the “What are you gonna be” question, I wanted him to be ready with a confident, straight-forward answer.  This answer is something I spent quite a bit of time crafting on my own so that it would be simple, succinct, true, and easy to say….

“Our family doesn’t celebrate Halloween.  We don’t think there’s anything wrong with celebrating it.  It’s just a special way for us to honor God.”

Yup.

And when his second grade teacher asked the class last year if there was anyone who didn’t celebrate Halloween, Andy boldly raised his hand.  When she enquired as to why, did he spit out my carefully crafted little spiel that had been pounded into his head for 3 years straight?

Nope.

“It’s Satan’s birthday.”  That.  That’s what he said.

I really do hope you’re laughing, because it really is funny.  We have no control over someone else’s choices.

Alright then, what does it all mean?  I must say that I am guilty of treating my kids like little robots.  If I just input all the right stuff in the right order, they’ll do just what I want them to do.  Right?

Turns out that God gave them free will, just like He gave me.

What do we do with things that are truly outside of our control, but matter?  “Let go and let God” is one of those sayings that just makes me cringe.  As if it were that simple.  As if “letting go” of issues like terminal illness, business failure, or marriage crisis was something you just decide to do one day.

Let me tell you one more story….

Levi and his buddy, Blake, like to play on a spider-web climbing…thing…at school.  For a few days in a row, a couple of big kids wouldn’t let Levi and Blake climb on it.  The duty teachers, trying to encourage the boys to work out conflict together, were not about to kick the big kids off.  Levi attempted to reason with them (as far as 5 year old boys reason), but to no avail.  He couldn’t change their minds.  He was frustrated, so he walked away.

And he prayed for them.

Why do my eyes look absolutely everywhere else for help before they look to my heavenly Father?  Why do I apply formulas and repetition and Socratic methods and all the other wisdom the world has to offer before seeking wisdom from above?

Has He not invited me to come?

“Call to me and I will answer you…” – Jeremiah 33:3

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” – Phil 4:6

Does He not listen when I talk?

“He will call upon Me, and I will answer him…” – Psalm 91:15

“It will also come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear.” – Isaiah 65:24

“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!” – Matthew 7:11

If God invites me to speak with Him and assures me that He will listen, and says He’s ready and willing to give, why don’t I come?

It’s the same thing that prevents me from getting through to my kids, except the issue here is one-sided.

I don’t speak God’s language…about 70% of the time.

I speak the language of performance and formulas and steps taken and actionable items and checklists and accomplishment.  This language also includes guilt and shame and weariness and disillusionment and hopelessness.

Like Andy and Levi, though, just barely beginning to gain understanding and usage of English, I am learning the language of my Father: that of grace and hope, forgiveness and love, free gifts and freedom.

How, you ask?

Within the past 2 weeks, I have bleached my favorite shirt, left my keys in my mailbox (one of those big ones on the side of the highway), lost my credit card, and showed up to a Bible study group I was facilitating feeling quite prepared…only to find out that I’d prepared for the wrong lesson the entire week.  I can’t even say that I’ve been sick or particularly flustered or anything like that.  I’m a pretty mindful person, too.  I truly can’t figure out how any of these things happened, but I am so glad they did.  I’m starting to grasp the reality that even when I am at my best…

I don’t have control over anything.

“You have put all things in subjection under His (Jesus’) feet’.  For in subjecting all things to Him, He left nothing that is not subject to Him…: - Hebrews 2:8

My striving accomplishes little.

“I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for me?” – Jeremiah 32:27

My energy runs low.

“Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary….”  - Isaiah 40:28

My brain can only handle so much stuff to remember.

“…and His understanding no one can fathom” – Isaiah 40:28

BUT I CAN PRAY.

Levi knows that he has a compassionate, powerful heavenly Father.  He knows that His Father hears him when he calls, cares about the things that affect his life, and acts in response to his requests.  So when he encounters stuff he can’t control, he prays.

And you…what are you up against?  What is it, that if you could just wrangle your way by your wisdom or your desire, you’d be happy?  That thing may just be an invitation from God to come and see just how good and wise and loving and powerful He really is. 

Remember the way He gives: like a good…no…like a perfectly good Father.  He gives this way because that’s who He is.  A good father doesn’t give his child everything he asks for all the time.  He gives him what is best for him, but never resents his having asked.  He invites the asking.  The relationship is built upon the child’s needs being faithfully met by the father.  And although the father must say “no” at times to a request, the child can trust that even that “no” is for his benefit…even if he can’t understand why it can’t be “yes”.  He invites us to trust in His character…that of a perfectly good Father…when we don’t understand.  Bury your head in His chest, reader.  Flail your fists if you need.  He will hold you through it.

Trust Him with your need today.  Let Him teach you His language.  He is near and He is waiting… to listen, to give, to wrap you in His love.

“Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.” – Psalm 116:2

Knowing (Or not)

 

(Taking a break from school-related ideas today, because I know you’ll give me the grace to do that.)

“If I’d only known…”

Oftentimes, words of regret.  Monday was a day that was regrettably filled with worry.  And I found myself uttering these words at the end of it.

Levi was to attend his first baseball practice at the rookie level at 5:30pm.  I spent the entire day with a knot in my stomach, wondering whether he’d make the team or not.  When we finally got to practice…well…let me just list the events of practice in order:

1.   After playing catch with Levi for about 2 minutes, the coach’s son begged his dad to let him play with someone else.

2.   Levi caught exactly 0 balls during all of practice.

3.   Levi wet his pants, and didn’t care enough to get off the field.

Pretty bad. I was preparing my knowing smile and enthusiastic head nod for when the coach inevitably told me that this season wouldn’t be Levi’s rookie debut. But then this happened:

4.    Levi got a hit off the pitching machine.

5.   Levi made the team.

Couldn’t believe it.  I had spent the entire day (and especially that nerve-wracking practice time) snapping at the kids as I do when I’m anxious, distractedly half-listening to adults, and causing myself a stomach ache…for what?  Levi would have made the team even if I’d spent the day mentally skipping through meadows.  I laughed relief and shook my head at myself: “If I’d only known”.

On a much more serious note, I have mentioned my atheist friend from high school who committed suicide our first year of college.  I never took the opportunities presented to tell her about the God who loves her infinitely.  I was worried that my feeble attempts at beginner’s apologetics would be no match for her high level logic.  I was worried I’d look like a fool, or that I’d stumble over her arguments and make God look like a fool.  You know something?  None of that matters now.  I shake my head at what could’ve been and say it quite differently when I think of her: “If I’d only known”.

But we don’t know, do we?  We’re not given the gift or curse of foresight.  The future is not ours to know.  So we spend some days worrying needlessly and we also waste opportunities because we simply don’t know what’s going to happen in the end.  The coming election for U.S. President, college choice, investment decisions…we do our best, but we have no assurance of the results. “Then how do we live?” I ask myself.  “How do we know that everything we’re currently doing isn’t completely misguided?  How do we know we won’t get to the end of our lives and find we’ve completely missed the point?  How do we know that our most carefully made plans and decisions won’t eventually be the greatest regrets of our lives?”

Here’s an offensive idea for you: Is worry simply the result of facing the harsh reality that I might not get what I want?  The thought that I won’t get what I want…for my career, for my children, for my country, for my legacy, for my reputation, for my relationships…is that what actually ties my stomach in knots? 

If so, where does my hope lie?  It must be in those very things I’m worried about.  The what-ifs reveal the hope hoarders.

Here’s a list of some of mine.  Maybe you’re familiar with a few of these?

“What if I run out of money?” – My hope for security is hoarded by having lots of money saved up.

“What if my kids go through hardship?” – My hope for the kids being healthy is hoarded by protecting them from all negative experiences.

“What if I never do anything of significance? – My hope for a meaningful life is hoarded by some obscure idea of having made a big impact on a large number of people.

There you have it.  If I just save up enough money, protect my kids from any possible disappointment, and find a way to change the lives of thousands of people, well I’ll have….

What?

What is the goal?  Is it a life without hardship? Is it a life filled with people’s approval?  Heck…is it simply “a life well lived”?  Because even that…at the end of it?  It’s still over.  Still finished.  The world moves on without you.

There must be a better way to live.  There must be something better to hope for and in. 

I’d like to look at a few people who are listed by name in the book of Hebrews.  They lived differently because they hoped differently:

Abel was a man who managed to offer a sacrifice acceptable to God almighty, even though he was a wretched sinner like you and me.

 Enoch lived in such a way as to be taken up to heaven before dying.  Noah built a massive boat that preserved all creatures without gills. 

Abraham left the land he and his family had always known to follow God to a new one that He would show him.

 Sarah gave birth to a son when she was well into her nineties.  Abraham marched that son up a mountain one day to set him on an altar…

You see, these people knew that the thing they ultimately placed their hope in could never be shaken.  The thing that held their hope for fulfillment, significance, and peace…not only in their own lives, but in their children and even their nation…is a relationship with their heavenly Father. They knew that all their longings and needs  would ultimately only be filled by Him.  Their broken hearts, their lonely lives, their yearning for significance…could only ever be fully addressed by His perfect love for them.

And they had assurance that their hope…Father God Himself…could not be taken from them.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  For by it the men of old gained approval.” – Hebrews 11:1

“And without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” – Hebrews 11:6

Noah didn’t know how the whole cataclysmic flood thing was going to work out; but he had assurance that God existed and was a rewarder of him that seeks Him.

Sarah laughed at the idea that she’d be able to have a biological child at her age; but she had assurance that “He who had promised was faithful” – from Hebrews 11:11

These “witnesses”, as the book of Hebrews calls them, gained approval by God and did extraordinary things because their anchors were sunk not in a bear market or a child-rearing philosophy, but in the character of a faithful God.

And here is their encouragement to us:

“Because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-2

This great cloud of witnesses is comprised of sinful people who made foolish mistakes and shook their heads at themselves just as we do.  But they didn’t do the sad mumble of the myopic: “If only I’d known”.  They did know.  And that made all the difference.

They knew that their God loved them with an everlasting love and would never abandon them.  They knew that somehow, He would rescue them from the endless sadness and wretched disappointment that accompanies having fallen short of His glory and being helpless to change. 

Reader, that same One who stirred that faith in them is the author and perfecter of our faith too.  He Himself, though unspeakable suffering would come, endured the cross for our sake…and for the joy set before Him.

And then He sat down.

He sat down because the work was finished.  He’d accomplished all that was necessary to bring all who would come to Him into close fellowship with the Father.

Forever.

And He, the ultimate good..the source of all good, would cause His truth to bear on the lives of each one of them.

That they are significant

That they are loved

That they are whole and complete

That they are never alone

That they have purpose

Because they are His.

When the what-ifs crop up as they do, and we identify those things we hope in that will ultimately let us down, let’s let go.

Let’s let go of our hope in our own wisdom.  Maybe God has better ideas for Levi’s life than my pathway to success?  Let’s grab on instead to the hope that He is, and He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.

Let’s let go of the ideas that keep us from stepping out on shaky ground.  Just because we think we know what will happen doesn’t mean it will happen.  Let’s grab on instead to the hope that He who has promised to work all things for the good of those who love Him is faithful.

Let’s let go of thinking that we have to have every detail of every part of our lives worked out in order to be successful.  I dare you to let Him define success for your life.  Let’s grab on instead to the hope that He directs the paths of those who commit their way to Him.

I guess what I’m asking is: will you run with me today?  Running together, let’s remind each other of Who we’re running towards, what He’s done, and how glorious the finish will be.  This we know!

 

Though the course is rough and we can’t see the end of it,
Though our feet ache more with each step ‘round the bend of it,
Let us throw off the oppressive weight of all care
That causes us to dart right and left, here and there;
Fix our eyes on the One, our forerunner, our priest
Who’s entered the veil and conquered the beast.
Throw off the chains and hold fast to the rope
Of faith in this Jesus, our unfailing hope.