Knowing (Or not)

 

(Taking a break from school-related ideas today, because I know you’ll give me the grace to do that.)

“If I’d only known…”

Oftentimes, words of regret.  Monday was a day that was regrettably filled with worry.  And I found myself uttering these words at the end of it.

Levi was to attend his first baseball practice at the rookie level at 5:30pm.  I spent the entire day with a knot in my stomach, wondering whether he’d make the team or not.  When we finally got to practice…well…let me just list the events of practice in order:

1.   After playing catch with Levi for about 2 minutes, the coach’s son begged his dad to let him play with someone else.

2.   Levi caught exactly 0 balls during all of practice.

3.   Levi wet his pants, and didn’t care enough to get off the field.

Pretty bad. I was preparing my knowing smile and enthusiastic head nod for when the coach inevitably told me that this season wouldn’t be Levi’s rookie debut. But then this happened:

4.    Levi got a hit off the pitching machine.

5.   Levi made the team.

Couldn’t believe it.  I had spent the entire day (and especially that nerve-wracking practice time) snapping at the kids as I do when I’m anxious, distractedly half-listening to adults, and causing myself a stomach ache…for what?  Levi would have made the team even if I’d spent the day mentally skipping through meadows.  I laughed relief and shook my head at myself: “If I’d only known”.

On a much more serious note, I have mentioned my atheist friend from high school who committed suicide our first year of college.  I never took the opportunities presented to tell her about the God who loves her infinitely.  I was worried that my feeble attempts at beginner’s apologetics would be no match for her high level logic.  I was worried I’d look like a fool, or that I’d stumble over her arguments and make God look like a fool.  You know something?  None of that matters now.  I shake my head at what could’ve been and say it quite differently when I think of her: “If I’d only known”.

But we don’t know, do we?  We’re not given the gift or curse of foresight.  The future is not ours to know.  So we spend some days worrying needlessly and we also waste opportunities because we simply don’t know what’s going to happen in the end.  The coming election for U.S. President, college choice, investment decisions…we do our best, but we have no assurance of the results. “Then how do we live?” I ask myself.  “How do we know that everything we’re currently doing isn’t completely misguided?  How do we know we won’t get to the end of our lives and find we’ve completely missed the point?  How do we know that our most carefully made plans and decisions won’t eventually be the greatest regrets of our lives?”

Here’s an offensive idea for you: Is worry simply the result of facing the harsh reality that I might not get what I want?  The thought that I won’t get what I want…for my career, for my children, for my country, for my legacy, for my reputation, for my relationships…is that what actually ties my stomach in knots? 

If so, where does my hope lie?  It must be in those very things I’m worried about.  The what-ifs reveal the hope hoarders.

Here’s a list of some of mine.  Maybe you’re familiar with a few of these?

“What if I run out of money?” – My hope for security is hoarded by having lots of money saved up.

“What if my kids go through hardship?” – My hope for the kids being healthy is hoarded by protecting them from all negative experiences.

“What if I never do anything of significance? – My hope for a meaningful life is hoarded by some obscure idea of having made a big impact on a large number of people.

There you have it.  If I just save up enough money, protect my kids from any possible disappointment, and find a way to change the lives of thousands of people, well I’ll have….

What?

What is the goal?  Is it a life without hardship? Is it a life filled with people’s approval?  Heck…is it simply “a life well lived”?  Because even that…at the end of it?  It’s still over.  Still finished.  The world moves on without you.

There must be a better way to live.  There must be something better to hope for and in. 

I’d like to look at a few people who are listed by name in the book of Hebrews.  They lived differently because they hoped differently:

Abel was a man who managed to offer a sacrifice acceptable to God almighty, even though he was a wretched sinner like you and me.

 Enoch lived in such a way as to be taken up to heaven before dying.  Noah built a massive boat that preserved all creatures without gills. 

Abraham left the land he and his family had always known to follow God to a new one that He would show him.

 Sarah gave birth to a son when she was well into her nineties.  Abraham marched that son up a mountain one day to set him on an altar…

You see, these people knew that the thing they ultimately placed their hope in could never be shaken.  The thing that held their hope for fulfillment, significance, and peace…not only in their own lives, but in their children and even their nation…is a relationship with their heavenly Father. They knew that all their longings and needs  would ultimately only be filled by Him.  Their broken hearts, their lonely lives, their yearning for significance…could only ever be fully addressed by His perfect love for them.

And they had assurance that their hope…Father God Himself…could not be taken from them.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  For by it the men of old gained approval.” – Hebrews 11:1

“And without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” – Hebrews 11:6

Noah didn’t know how the whole cataclysmic flood thing was going to work out; but he had assurance that God existed and was a rewarder of him that seeks Him.

Sarah laughed at the idea that she’d be able to have a biological child at her age; but she had assurance that “He who had promised was faithful” – from Hebrews 11:11

These “witnesses”, as the book of Hebrews calls them, gained approval by God and did extraordinary things because their anchors were sunk not in a bear market or a child-rearing philosophy, but in the character of a faithful God.

And here is their encouragement to us:

“Because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-2

This great cloud of witnesses is comprised of sinful people who made foolish mistakes and shook their heads at themselves just as we do.  But they didn’t do the sad mumble of the myopic: “If only I’d known”.  They did know.  And that made all the difference.

They knew that their God loved them with an everlasting love and would never abandon them.  They knew that somehow, He would rescue them from the endless sadness and wretched disappointment that accompanies having fallen short of His glory and being helpless to change. 

Reader, that same One who stirred that faith in them is the author and perfecter of our faith too.  He Himself, though unspeakable suffering would come, endured the cross for our sake…and for the joy set before Him.

And then He sat down.

He sat down because the work was finished.  He’d accomplished all that was necessary to bring all who would come to Him into close fellowship with the Father.

Forever.

And He, the ultimate good..the source of all good, would cause His truth to bear on the lives of each one of them.

That they are significant

That they are loved

That they are whole and complete

That they are never alone

That they have purpose

Because they are His.

When the what-ifs crop up as they do, and we identify those things we hope in that will ultimately let us down, let’s let go.

Let’s let go of our hope in our own wisdom.  Maybe God has better ideas for Levi’s life than my pathway to success?  Let’s grab on instead to the hope that He is, and He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.

Let’s let go of the ideas that keep us from stepping out on shaky ground.  Just because we think we know what will happen doesn’t mean it will happen.  Let’s grab on instead to the hope that He who has promised to work all things for the good of those who love Him is faithful.

Let’s let go of thinking that we have to have every detail of every part of our lives worked out in order to be successful.  I dare you to let Him define success for your life.  Let’s grab on instead to the hope that He directs the paths of those who commit their way to Him.

I guess what I’m asking is: will you run with me today?  Running together, let’s remind each other of Who we’re running towards, what He’s done, and how glorious the finish will be.  This we know!

 

Though the course is rough and we can’t see the end of it,
Though our feet ache more with each step ‘round the bend of it,
Let us throw off the oppressive weight of all care
That causes us to dart right and left, here and there;
Fix our eyes on the One, our forerunner, our priest
Who’s entered the veil and conquered the beast.
Throw off the chains and hold fast to the rope
Of faith in this Jesus, our unfailing hope.