Does it matter? The
response to the words, “I’m sorry”?
I’d like to introduce you to Levi, our middle son. He’s hilarious, full of life, and full of
energy. He’s so full of energy that he
finds himself having to apologize a lot.
A LOT.
Levi has almost completed a school year at his county-run
preschool. It’s been a great experience
for him, and we’re very grateful to have had this program available.
However, we’ve encountered a difference in philosophy, you
could say, with the way playground offenses are handled at school. Maybe it’s no big deal. Maybe it’s huge.
We’ve spent years teaching our kids that when an apology
is made, we respond with the words, “I forgive you.” We then leave the offense behind and move on,
purposing to never bring it up again. Hey
– if Jesus has covered all of our sins with His blood, who are we to hold a
grudge about a knocked-down block castle?
However, Levi has learned at school that when an apology
is made, the correct response is, “I accept your apology”. Lately, he’s been catching himself
mid-sentence to switch from “I forgive you” to “I accept your apology” because
that’s the way they do things at school.
Does it bother you?
It bothers me, and it took me awhile to figure out
why. It’s not because it’s different…we’ve
always known and prepared for the fact that many things will be done
differently at school than they’re done at home. It’s not because it’s wrong…there’s really
nothing wrong with accepting an apology.
It’s just…
Weak.
Empty.
Powerless.
Take a look at this:
ac·cept:
1. consent to receive (a
thing offered).
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a·pol·o·gy:
1. a regretful
acknowledgment of an offense or failure.
So, it’s safe to say that we can rephrase it this way: “I will consent to
receive your offer of a regretful acknowledgement of your offense.”
I could add, “I still hate you for it.
I hope you receive worse in return.
I want nothing to do with you.
I’ll not forget this…” You get
the idea.
So, what if Ephesians
1:7 read like this:
“In Him we have the
acceptance of our apologies”.
What would that mean,
exactly? That Holy God Almighty has
consented to receive my acknowledgement of failure? When all parties have acknowledged the
wrong done, what then?
“Well, now that we all
agree that you’ve failed….”
What?
Allow me to
philosophize for a moment. It makes
sense to identify things by what they do.
A creature that swings from trees and eats bananas is identified as a
monkey. A device that uses
electromagnetic radiation to warm things up is identified as a microwave.
And a person who lies
is identified as a liar.
And a person who says
one thing and does the opposite is identified as a hypocrite.
I sometimes…I often…do
things that I don’t understand. I make
choices that go completely against everything I know to be right. I hurt people that I love. Sometimes I don’t care very much that I’ve
hurt them.
What does that say
about me?
Because, you know, I do
some “good” things…sometimes. And sometimes I do good things from selfish
motives.
What does that say
about me?
On any given day, if
you are to identify me by my actions, I am a liar, a manipulator, a
judgmental hypocrite, a selfish pretender.
And because I begin every day resolving not to be these things…
A failure.
Now, if all my God can
do is accept my apology…if all my friends, family, and acquaintances can do
is accept my apology…
I remain a liar, a
hypocrite…a miserable failure. And how
will I ever live with myself? What hope do I have?
If you and I are honest
with ourselves, we might just find that we live like that…as if the best we
can hope for is that God accepted our apology this time. We are rotten beings, unworthy of love;
unworthy of hope.
HOWEVER,
That’s not really what
Ephesians 1:7 says, is it?
“In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins,
in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us”
Let’s look at a couple
of the key words in this verse….words that drastically change the meaning
from our hypothetical Ephesians 1:7.
for·give:
1.stop feeling angry or resentful
toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake):
2. cancel (a debt):
re·demp·tion:
1. the action of regaining or gaining
possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing of debt
The clearing of
debt. The cancelling of debt. Banishing anger and resentment.
In his book, Counterfeit
Gods, Tim Keller says this:
“If you have been
robbed of money, opportunity, or happiness, you can either make the wrongdoer
pay it back or you can forgive. But
when you forgive, that means you absorb
the loss and the debt. You bear it
yourself. All forgiveness, then, is
costly.”
What does it cost to
accept an apology? I’ll say it costs
nothing. You can still harbor all the
resentment and anger in the world and still accept an apology. The debt still stands.
But forgiveness costs,
and forgiveness cancels.
And the only One who
ever truly had a right to harbor anger against another, being completely
righteous Himself, laid it down, absorbed the debt, and paid the price with
His very blood.
For you. For me.
Me. The one who lied and cheated and hurt for
her own selfish gain and willingly became a slave to a cruel taskmaster.
And He paid to get me back. As He hangs maimed and bloody
and gasping on a splintered board,
MY debt is cancelled.
Friend, your debt is
cancelled as Christ cries out…NOT “Accept their apologies, Father…”
But rather, “Forgive
them, Father.”
He did this not to give
you and I different tasks or dole out new jobs, but to give us a new
identity…
“See how great a love the Father has lavished on us, that we would be
called children of God! And that is what we are…” – 1 John 3:1
And “THAT” is what we
are!! Believer, His lavish love…not
our sin…defines us now. We are defined by what HE does…not by what we have
done. Not by what we have done!
Not a liar. His beloved child. Not a hypocrite. His beloved child. Not a failure. HIS beLOVEd child!
Can you imagine what
perfect parenting might look like?
Unconditional love and acceptance would probably characterize it
pretty well; and believer, through Christ, it is lavished upon you!
Can you just sit with
Him a bit today and let Him remind you how much He loves you? Can you believe Him when He says He’d do
anything to have you with Him? Can you
let relief and joy flood your heart as you remember that your debt is cancelled by your Father who loves you
perfectly?
I don’t know about you,
but I need to hear the words of forgiveness.
I need to hear that those things I’ve done that defy reason, that mock
God, that lead me to believe I’m a hopeless failure…
Are gone.
Levi’s just going to
have to get used to it. Because he
doesn’t quite know it yet, but he needs to hear it too. I’m thinking you do too.
The debt-free life is
waiting for you if you haven’t yet asked Jesus to cancel yours.
And if you have?
Rest/dance in the joy
that is your new identity, and for all that awaits you for eternity with
Him. And then…
Go and cancel those
debts others owe you. They’ll never be
able to pay them down sufficiently anyway.
Roll them over to Christ, the only One who can completely absorb and
do away with them forever. The words,
“I forgive you” are among the most difficult to utter because they are so
costly. Friend, forgiving another will
cost you your right to be angry, hurt, and bitter. It will cost you your desire to seek revenge. It may cost you the conceit that often
accompanies being “right”. Bring these bindings to Him and let Him cut you
loose.
God’s kids get to live
free of chains. Ask Him for the
courage and freedom to speak those life-giving words.
I’m so glad He accepted
Jesus’ blood, instead of my apologies.
Aren’t you?
“I have been crucified with Christ.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live
by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” – Galations
2:20
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