Lost?

One minute, you’re walking along a safe and familiar path.  The sun is warm, the breeze is just right, and you’re confident of the way you take.

The road bends unexpectedly.  Suddenly, the path looks quite different.  You’re not sure you like where it’s going.

You look around for familiarity.  You attempt to find your way back to the familiar road…to where you were before the bend.  But there’s no going back.  You must walk forward, right through the strange and uncertain.

How do I get back?  Can’t I go back there again?  That place… where I felt secure and content?  I miss it.  I miss it.

Levi started preschool this year, right about the time that I started to feel like a fraud.  Right about the time that I decided I couldn’t be trusted to blog or speak or do anything at all in the name of Christ... because I just felt lost.  I’d suddenly become painfully aware of my inability to live up to my own expectations for myself, and this thought… that I’m a failure… was infecting everything I did.  

Levi, meanwhile, is hating growing up.  He refuses to compartmentalize his little life and set school in its own small space in his mind.  He would rather be home doing anything at all than be at school; and the fact that he only attends school two short mornings a week doesn’t weaken his everyday sadness. For Levi, life has changed forever…and not in a good way. I believe that he, too, feels lost.

And along with feeling lost comes fear.  Levi’s suddenly afraid of everything: the fire alarm, the other kids, something happening to me while he’s away.  This fear, like mine of failure, infects most of Levi’s life.

“Why?”, we ask…

“Why do I have to go to school?  Why can’t I just stay home and play?”

Do you know what’s interesting about this question?  There’s no satisfying answer to it.  None.  Levi’s desire to never, ever have to attend school is far greater than any benefit I list for him.  He DOES NOT CARE about friends, the playground, crafts, or his future occupation.  None of these things come close to outweighing his renewed love for his old life, and he can’t begin to understand what future benefits he’ll reap… even if we tell him.

“Why is God allowing this?”  What answer will satisfy the heart that asks?

Andy’s teacher, meanwhile, is having a rough go of it too.  She wouldn’t mind me telling you what she told me: this is one of the hardest times of her life.  She’s new to Andy’s school and, for many reasons, has had a very hard time transitioning.  She, too, is feeling lost.  She shared a bit of her struggle with her class, and Andy came home that day with greater conviction than I’d ever seen in him. 

“Some people are saying she’s a bad teacher, Mom”, he said, “and I want you to know that she’s not.  I think God has put me in her class for a reason… well, maybe a lot of reasons.  But one is to pray for her.  And I think another is to encourage her.”

So we do pray for her, every day.  And Andy writes encouraging notes to her on the back of almost every paper he turns in for grading.

And because of these things, she and I, we get to talk one night about obtaining the only approval that matters.  We talk about the endless, hopeless work of trying to prove ourselves.  We talk about the impossibility of becoming worthy of anyone’s approval, especially our own….

And of the miracle of having gained the approval of the Creator of the universe.

She cries, and for a minute, I don’t feel so much like I’m faking my way through life.  For just a minute, I stop asking, “Why is this happening?  Why can’t I just go back to that old, comfortable life where I felt secure?”.  As she shares her heartache, I thank God that because of the past few months of discomfort… of searching for security, of questioning MY every thought and word and deed, I can relate.  She hears it in my voice as I say, “I KNOW.”

I’m not a fraud.  And I’m not lost.  All that time that I spent searching for an answer, a foothold, for relief, for a way back to” normal”, He was leading me right here.

“But if I go to the east, he is not there;

if I go to the west, I do not find him.

 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;

when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.

But he knows the way that I take;

when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” –Job 23:8-10

 

Job knew something of sudden bends in the road, didn’t he?  I don’t think any of us would blame a man who’s suddenly lost his family, his wealth, and his health for asking,

“WHY, GOD?”

The answer is the one Levi needs, the one I need, the one you need, friend….when your road bends unexpectedly.

 

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?” – Job 38:4

“Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, and caused the dawn to know its place…” – Job 38:12

“Where is the way to the dwelling of light? And darkness, where is its place, that you may take it to its territory and you may discern the paths to its home?” – Job 38:19-20

“Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars, stretching his wings toward the south?  Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up and makes his nest on high?” – Job 39:26-27

 

This goes on for quite a while, till Job says…likely, whispers, “I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted…I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.” 

I don’t like when the road bends.  And when it does bend and I have to deal with it, I want assurance that the difficulty I’m encountering will be “worth it”.  I want good reasons for what I’m having to endure.  I want to be able to trust in the end result…in the destination…and I want that to be of my choosing.

Don’t we always think we know what we want?  This is the reason that we are unsatisfied with the answers to our “Why?”.  We ask it when we aren’t getting what we want.  We ask it because we believe that only getting what we want will satisfy us.  And it's not that what we want is necessarily bad; it's that we can't place our trust in...we can't cling to... what we believe will bring us happiness.  If we allowed Levi to do that, he'd grow up unable to enter society as a functioning adult.  Ultimately, that's not really what he wants.

But God, He wants me to trust HIM.  His character, His faithfulness, His love, His sovereignty.  When Job asked, “Why?”, God reminded him WHOM he was addressing.  God could handle laying the foundation of the earth without Job…or me.  He commanded the morning…this morning…while I lay helpless and asleep.  By His understanding, all of nature flourishes.  My understanding only reveals that I don’t understand.  Is it possible that He knows what I really want…what I really need…what will make me whole?

Character.  It’s a big deal.  If the Joker from Batman said, “Follow me (oh – and by the way – do you know how I got these scars?)”, I’d run as fast as I could in the opposite direction.  Joker’s character tells me that I don’t want to go anywhere he goes.  He’s insane, after all.  His actions have proven his character.

What about God?  What have His actions shown about His character?  If you read through chapters 38 – 41 of Job, you find Him to be omniscient, omnipresent, transcendent, unlimited, unstoppable.  Job need not fear…the King over all knows the way he takes.

And us?  We have the benefit of knowing God the Father through His Son:

“I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.” – John 10:11

“The Father and I are One” – John 10:30

“No one has seen God at any time; the only begotten God who is in the bosom of the Father, He has explained Him”. – John 1:18

 

This God, whose ways are higher than ours, who placed the stars in the sky, demonstrates His character to us by sending His precious Son to this wretched place we’ve corrupted by our own choice. Yes, He formed the galaxies…

…and provides for His sheep

…lets them lie down in green pastures

…leads them beside quiet waters

…walks them through the darkest valleys

…takes their place and suffers and dies

…and asks them to trust Him enough to follow Him, though they don’t like the path.  Though it’s unfamiliar to them.  Though they can’t see beyond the weeds and it’s dark and scary.  Though this is not at all what they want. 

Job’s conclusion… “YOU, God….YOU can do all things.  Your purposes (and by Your character, I know they are good) cannot be thwarted.  I don’t get it.”

THIS brings satisfaction to the lost soul crying out for answers.   God didn’t demand that Job figure it all out and fix his attitude while he was at it.  He simply reminded him that He is worth trusting.

Reader, will you trust the proven character of Love beyond human understanding?

For a sheep of the Good Shepherd, feeling lost isn’t really a problem.  He knows we’re worried.  He knows our limitations.  He doesn’t expect us to forge ahead as if we were confidently striding familiar trails.  He invites us to walk closer, keep our eyes on Him, and take the next step with Him.  Can’t you hear His voice?  “It’s ok, child, I know the way you take.”

When we get through this thing…when we get to the other side, we’re going to shine like gold.

Worth it.

Beginnings

                                                          

These cute little mosaics cover the columns out in front of Andy’s school.  There are butterflies, there flowers, there is Pikachu.

And there is the Big Bang.

You’ve heard it before and so have I.  We’ve said it loads of times, I’m sure.

And it’s important.  Because it only precedes the challenging, the difficult, the weighty, and usually, the impossible.

“I don’t know how to start”.

And who cares so much about where you start anyway?  Doesn’t where you finish matter more than anything? 

But the thing is… we humans want to do things well.  We want to achieve things and affect things and matter and not to have merely existed.  We care about where we start because we want to finish well.  The way in which we finish matters just as much as where we finish.  And if we get off to a bad start?

We’re staring down a new school year, and I’ve been remembering what the beginning of the last one was like. I’d felt strongly that instead of manhandling my way through Andy’s class options, I should ask God to place Andy with the teacher He wanted him to have and then trust Him.  (This is not to say that carefully considering where your child should be is equivalent to a lack of trust in the Lord.  I’m just saying that my m.o. with life in general is not careful consideration…. It’s manhandling.)

Well, wouldn’t you know it… Andy was placed with a teacher that I had been worried he’d get.  Anytime I’d ever seen her, she seemed to be yelling.  She even yelled at Andy once when I’d had him standing outside the restroom.  I was worried that we were getting off to a bad start.

The year wore on, and I began to learn a lot of things about this teacher I’d been ready to write off.

Yeah, Mrs. P. yells.  When she’s happy, excited, storytelling, or just plain chatting.  It’s what many New Yorkers do.  I didn’t know that. She’s also quite passionate about her work.  She never had children of her own, so she thinks of each child as being temporarily ‘hers’.  She sees her time with them as a gift… an opportunity to pour into them and help each one be his very best. Didn’t know that either.

Didn’t know she was a believer.

Didn’t know that when Andy had to face his first public schooling vs Christian faith clash, she’d be the one to show him how to start navigating those waters.

The class had to watch a video depicting various tenets of evolution.  There are numerous opinions on both sides of this issue, and I don’t have it all figured out, to say the least.  So, for simplicity’s sake, we’ll just say that Andy felt the content of the video contradicted Biblical truth.  And he was upset. Couldn’t believe he was being made to watch it.

“This isn’t true”, he kept telling his friends.  His eyes even teared up.

Mrs. P. took him out in the hallway.

With subjects like creation and evolution, it’s hard for me to know ‘how to start’ even sorting through it all.  Young earth, new earth, moon dust, sediment layers, DNA mutations, fossils and record gaps, natural selection…..I don’t know what to think half the time, let alone what to tell a child.

But Mrs. P. knew.  She knew exactly how to start…

“Listen,” she said, “I have a lot of questions about all of this too.  I don’t have all the answers I’d like, and maybe someday I will.  But the only thing I know for sure, Andy, is that God has written my name on the palms of His hands, and I’m His.  Its ok if I don’t have everything else figured out.  This is what matters most.  Do ya get it?”

He got it.

How do you start?  You start at the beginning...

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being.  In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.  The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overpower it.”  -John 1:1-5

You start with the Word that is God and with God.  The Word – “logos” – that reveals God’s mind, reason, and wisdom.  The Word that embodies God’s total message of love, grace, and redemption.  And if this Word is alive and brings life and light that darkness CANNOT overpower?

Maybe you and I can take a step into this next chapter, unafraid.

Because you and I are beginning something, aren’t we?  And it might be an exciting something. And it might be a difficult something.  And it might be a frightening something.

And we don’t have to begin alone.

The new job… the empty nest… the prison sentence… the deployment… the newlywed… the medical treatment… the baby… the crazy idea… the move… the new school year… the new day…

“I don’t know how to start”.

Because it is, by definition, all unknown.  The future, that is.  I can’t control or tame it.  I can’t even know it so as to prepare for it.

It causes some anxiety, does it not?  (Insert nervous laughter at this bold understatement).

But He is already there.  The Word. The Truth.  The Life.

The WAY.

Can I begin this thing, this season, this day, the way Mrs. P. does… allowing the unseen to dictate my interpretation of the seen?

I’ve heard of a process called ‘grounding’, by which a person on the verge of a panic attack can bring themselves back to reality and to a state of relative calm.  The process involves listing things you can see, touch, taste, and hear.  The purposeful placement of attention on things that are real helps keep the person’s mind from spiraling downward in a whirlwind of anxiety.

And sometimes?  No.  Daily.  Hourly?  We need some spiritual grounding.  I need to sit down and point to some things that are real, regardless of what my emotions are doing at the moment.

“In the beginning was the Word….”. That’s right.  Jesus has always existed.  He knew this day would come before the foundation of the world.

“The Word became flesh and dwelt among us”. – Oh yeah… He really did come to Earth.  He knows what it’s like down here.  And He sympathizes with my humanity. 

“God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but will have eternal life”. – Sigh.  Right.  The GOD of the universe loves me and sent His Son to die in my place.  He’s prepared a place for me with Him.

“The LORD is my shepherd…” – Oh, ok… so… I don’t have to know exactly what’s up ahead?  And you know the way?

“I AM the way…” Huh… I’ll just follow you, then?  Whew.

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”.  - Really?  But what if I…

“Never.” – What if they…

“Never.” – I’m going to mess it up, though.  I just know it. 

“Neither death not life nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, neither anything else in all creation can separate us from the love of  that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  - OH!  So like…NOTHING nothing.  Not even my mistakes.  Not even public school.  Not even….

“Nothing.” – Got it.

Breathe relief with me for a second?  These things don’t change.  EVER.

Will you search out some spiritual “grounding” verses today?  Because we need to start today right; and when it all falls apart, we’ll need to start it over again.  And we need to start at the beginning, with the Word, who gives us the only accurate interpretation of reality, along with hope to finish well… no matter how we’ve messed up.

Those columns…. if they were covered in the Word instead of words like “Big Bang”…. If the public school system was upheld by the unchanging Word instead of man’s fickle theories….I sure would feel a lot better about sending Andy in there morning after morning.  I’d feel as if this were a place God could really use for the spread of His kingdom.  And I’d probably be right; but I am wrong to think He can’t use this one…. That the darkness might somehow overcome the Light.

How is it that within the halls of public school, my son learned to begin with the Word?  To let the Word define reality for him before all else?  To be rooted in and defined not by worldly knowledge, but by the Father’s love?  You might say it this way:

“And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” – Romans 8:28

In your marriage, in your job, at your school, in your home… God works for your good, believer.  And He has a purpose for your being right there. Nothing is wasted and you can’t trip Him up and He won’t lose you in the big bad world out there.

He is near.  Call to Him today and ask Him to stop the spinning whirlwind and ground you in the truth.  Begin again and again today if necessary… and each time, start at the beginning…. where the Word was and is and forever will be the same…..

Yesterday,

Today,

Tomorrow.

What We Really Need To Hear (and Say) On The Hard Days

 

 

 

 

There are some days that can’t be fixed.  Some incidents, some tragedies, some mistakes….

 

Just can’t be fixed. 

 

And I try…. Oh BOY, do I try…..

 

I think that if I can just think the right thoughts, say the right words with the right tone of voice, give the right perspective or point to the right things…..

 

It will somehow be better.  Happier.  There. Fixed.

 

“Look at the bright side,” I say.  “You have your health…”

 

“You can have more children.”

 

“He lived a full life”.

 

“You’ll find new friends.”

 

“She obviously wasn’t ‘the one’.”

 

“Things will turn around.”

 

“Everything happens for a reason.”

 

Have you ever noticed how pointing out facts doesn’t ever make a person feel better?

 

Truth is….. and this is hard…..

 

None of the above can

Cure cancer,

Bring back the dead.

Heal the sick,

Restore a relationship,

Re-grow a limb,

Change a childhood,

 

Change anything.

 

Because for us, having a thing “fixed” would really mean rewinding time and having it never, ever happen.

Before the diagnosis.  Before the accident.  Before they ever met. 

 

We, I, want it to have never happened.

 

And the fact that I can’t undo anything in this world frustrates me.  I encounter a hurting person who is also powerless to turn back time and I panic.  I grasp for anything…. anything that sounds happy or positive or good to say because…. well…I don’t know….. Maybe whatever good I can find for them will outweigh the bad?

 

Wow.  Isn’t that just shockingly lame?  I think the Bible backs up this statement as well:

“Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, so is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.”- Proverbs 25:20

 

Yikes.  As it turns out, all of my well-meaning “buck ups” and pats on the back bring the same result as taking a person’s coat from them as they stand out in the freezing cold or pouring vinegar on their wounded flesh.  I actually cause greater pain in their lives when I remind them of all they “really should be thankful for”….. or whatever.

 

Alright.  So I can’t fix it.  I can’t lift the burden from someone else’s heart.  I can’t turn back time so that it never happened.  The “good” I identify will not cancel the hurt, the shame, the sadness, the anger, the despair.  So what am I supposed to do?

 

As you may have guessed, Andy helped me answer this question this week.  He saw a little girl, Sammie, crying on the playground all by herself during recess.  He stopped and asked her what was wrong.  She, of course, was having a bad day.  One he couldn’t fix.  Unlike his mother, though, he didn’t even attempt to fix it.  And that made all the difference.

 

“I just want you to know,” he said, “that Jesus loves you.  And in this sinful world  we are going to have bad days.  But in Heaven, there won’t be any bad days.  There won’t be anything bad at all.  And Jesus has prepared a place for you there.”

 

There.  That’s it.  He didn’t try to minimize her pain, point out the shining sun and spring foliage, or offer numerous solutions to her problem.  He gave her hope.

 

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. ³ And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; ⁴ and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; ⁵ and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.⁶ For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” –Romans 5:5-6

 

I’ll tell you the truth.  I’ve got family members who’ve recently had terrible diagnoses, friends dealing with ruined childhoods, a broken heel myself, and I can’t fix any of it.  And no amount of comparison to others “worse off” or desperately searching for good will change anything.  It’s terribly disappointing.

 

But hope.  Hope in Jesus Christ, who brought me and them and you peace with God by dying at the right time for us…. the helpless…and has introduced us by faith to God’s undeserved favor because of His unfailing love for us…. Hope in His glory

 

Does not disappoint.

 

Reader, in this sinful world, there are going to be bad days.  When you are being tossed and pummeled by the waves and wind of the torrential storms of this world, cling to your anchor.  Shout out to the others to come cling to it too, and watch with excitement as your God shows up to be glorified.  And as He works in these frail, helpless beings…..

Perseverance

Character

Hope

He will be glorified.

And you will not be disappointed.

 

What we really need to hear on the hard days is the truth.  And the truth is that this world is fallen.  We are broken.  We are helpless.

But God didn’t leave us there.  And His Son came and saw and healed and died and rose and now….

Prepares a place for you.  And me.  And them.  With Him.  Exult, reader, in these tribulations because your hope leads to sure victory in eternity with Him who pours His love out on you forever.

And when we encounter the hurting, those adrift in the sea, those rocked by tragedy, those out in cold…..instead of becoming coat thieves, instead of reaching for the vinegar, let’s grab their hand and pull them to the anchor.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain”- Hebrews 6:19

Behind the curtain is all they need….all we need…. the very presence of the God who is love.

Valentine Defenders

"I loved Jesus.  He was my hero...because he was kind to everyone.  He didn't bow to peer pressure or tyranny or cruelty.  He didn't care who you were.  He loved you....I wanted to be just like him.  One day when I was about 8 years old, I was drawing the crucifixion as part of my Bible studies homework...I was a good boy.  I went to church and believed one God - what a relief for a working-class mother.  You see, growing up where I did, mums didn't hope as high as their kids growing up to be doctors; they just hoped their kids didn't go to jail.  So bring them up believing in God and they'll be good and law abiding.....But anyway, there I was happily drawing my hero when my big brother Bob asked, "Why do you believe in God?". Just a simple question.  But my mum panicked.  "Bob," she said in a tone that I knew meant, "shut up".  Why was that a bad thing to ask?  If there was a God and my faith was strong, it didn't matter what people said.  Oh-- hang on.  There is no God.  He knows it and she knows it deep down....I started thinking about it and asking more questions and within an hour, I was an atheist."

This is Ricky Gervais' account of how he became an atheist....at age 8.

Ricky says there's no evidence for the existence of God.  So I teach Andy all about the Earth and probability and the atmosphere and DNA. I give him a big old grenade to launch when the Ricky Gervais in his class comes along.  And then we march around the house chanting, "We're right!  They're wrong!  We're smart!  They're dumb!  We win!  We win!  Hooray!"

Well....no...we don't do that last part.  But honestly, it wouldn't be that weird if we did, because that's the kind of sentiment that typically follows such preparation.

Don't get me wrong...there's definitely a war going on and we must be prepared to fight.  But here's what the Bible has to say about it:

"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:12

If our struggle is against spiritual forces in the heavenly realms, why in the world am I worried about Ricky Gervais?  While I'm preparing Andy to shoot down atheists, the Enemy wages real war.  And I leave Andy unarmed and caught off guard.

And he misses his calling.....

"All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting peoples sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation.  We are, therefore, Christ's ambassadors, as if God were making an appeal through us.  We implore you on Christ's behalf: be reconciled to God."-1 Corinthians 5:18-20

One word in different forms, 5 times in 2 verses....

Reconcile

Has God committed to me the responsibility of neutralizing the "threat "of every person who does not believe in Him?

To shoot them down?

Prove them wrong?

Philosophically destroy them?

Doesn't look that way.  Looks like He has committed to me a message.  Looks like I am to deliver His letter of love that says, 

"Child!  Creator God of the universe is NOT counting your sins against you!  Come back to Me!  I LOVE you....and I've proven it!"

Will Ricky get it...will he hear the Father's appeal...if I spend all my time on DNA?

I don't think so, and I'll tell you why.

I engaged in philosophical and metaphysical warfare with a few atheist kids throughout high school.  I spent quite a bit of time working to mentally conquer one young lady in particular, who was quite intelligent and believed just what Ricky does.  I always patted myself on the back after our exchanges, feeling I'd given her no ground and shut her down pretty well.  

She took her own life our first year of college.

And I'll never know what might have happened if I had viewed her differently....viewed my purpose differently....been courageous enough to engage in a conversation about why she believed what she did.....

Asked her if she knew she needed rescuing....and that the rescuer had come?

It only took one young lady in William Lane Craig's class to exhibit the love of Christ on a daily basis for him to wonder what it meant that God loved him.....

and cause the scales to begin to fall from his eyes.

Now....

Andy and I do need to know about DNA.  After all, God did create it...and the stars...and the eye...and the hummingbird.  It's important to see that there is evidence everywhere that bursts with God's fingerprints.  But as for my job, and the job I equip Andy to do at school, it must be about reconciliation.  About bringing God's lost and wandering and lonely and hopeless children back to Him.

When Ricky shows up in whatever form he takes, be it science teacher, atheist classmate, or PTA mom, Andy and I need to be ready with our backpacks full of valentines from the King.  We need to be willing to view him not as a target to be decimated, but as an expatriate...one who is beloved by the King who pleads with him to come home.  One for whom the King's very own Son gave his life in order to save his forever.

If we are to carry out our charge,  we must pick up the delivery bag with which He has entrusted  us and take His message to the world.  Yes, and we must put on that armor and pick up our sword, because we will be attacked on the way.  We must be ready to "destroy speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God." (2 Corinthians 10:5). We slay the ideas while imploring the person.  We help them to stage an uprising on their thoughts: to take them captive and make them obedient to Christ....instead of being held captive by them as abused slaves.

And we do it with confidence....not in the weapons we may wield in response to resistance....but in WHO we know.

Our confidence in delivering our message comes from having experienced the presence of the great and loving  King who paid the highest price to buy us back from slavery.

Because the thing is....when this message gets out?  The one straight from the King's own heart that says, "Your debt is paid!  Come back, child!  See?  I make all things new...even you!  I love you.  I LOVE you and we are reconciled!"

There's  no stopping it.

Thanks That Stings

"I don't know what to write".

This is how most of Andy's classmates (him included) began their Thanksgiving assignment, "I'm Thankful For....".  In an effort to help them get started, I'd ask each kid to think of something good in his or her life. Pretty quickly the wheels would start turning and pencils would start scribbling.  I patted myself on the back for a job well done.

That night, I read a portion of The Hiding Place by CorrieTen Boom.  In case you haven't read this treasure of a book, it is Corrie's own memoir based on her family's experiences during World War II.  Corrie and her family worked to protect and move Jews during the years of German occupation.  They were arrested and, after several months in a Dutch prison, Corrie and her sister, Betsie, were transported to a concentration camp in Germany.

Upon their arrival at Ravennsbruck, after undergoing thorough and degrading inspection, Corrie and Betsie were led to their new "dormitories".  Aside from the stench of backed-up plumbing and rancid bedding, the real horror set in when Corrie realized that these dorms were swarming with fleas.  As they climbed up the disgusting, high-centered pallets on which they were to sleep, Corrie asked Betsie, "...how can we live in such a place?".  Betsie's reply was to her Father: "Show us.  Show us how."

A minute later, Betsie excitedly turned to Corrie, saying that God had given them the answer before they asked...that morning, when they had read their Bible.  They opened it back up to the scripture they'd read before their arrival to Ravensbruck:

"We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the faint hearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.  See that no one repays another for evil with evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.  Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."--1Thessalonians 5:14-19

"That's it, Corrie!" Betsie exclaims.  "that's what we can do.  We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks.". 

So they begin to thank God for blessings: they'd been placed together; they miraculously still had their Bible; there were so many there who, because of the cramped quarters, would hear the Word.

But then Betsie thanked God for the fleas.

"Betsie," I imagine her tone is one of disbelief and indignance, "there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.". I'm totally with her.  And I know certain times when, in my heart, I've thought, "I will NEVER thank God for THIS".

Betsie's reply, though, reveals where Corrie and I have the idea of Thanksgiving quite wrong.

"Give thanks in all circumstances.  It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances'.  Fleas are part of this place where God has put us.". So, Corrie was made to give thanks for the fleas, sure that Betsie was out of her mind.

Over time, Betsie and Corrie had great crowds of women gathering for worship services in those filthy dorms.  While Betsie knitted socks with the weakest of the prisoners, she shared the Word.  The numbers of believers grew exponentially as Betsie and Corrie watched the transformation of the hopeless heartbroken to the joyful renewed. All of this happened without so much as a "Quiet down!" from the guards, who would gladly beat any one of them to death for creating even the slightest stir.  In fact, the guards wouldn't even come near the doorways to the dorms.  Why?  You guessed it.

The fleas.

The thanks I give...it often costs me nothing.  I save it for the times of happiness and abundance; when I've got my way and it all works out the way I'd like; when I have lots of 'good things' to point to.

But when I suffer loss....when it doesn't seem like things are working out my way...when I can't see any 'good' that could possibly come from a situation....

I'm silent.  I'm angry.  "How could you?" rolls off the tongue far easier than "Thank you".

Psalm 50 offers an invitation:

"He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; And to him who orders his way aright I shall show the salvation of God."

Reader, will we hold onto what we feel entitled to: our rights, our definition of fairness, our demands to know it all, our dignity, our pride....and only give thanks for that which makes us happy?  That keeps us comfortable?  That makes sense to our finite minds?

OR

Reader, please, will you unclench your fists with me and thank God in and for whatever circumstance He has put you in?  Will you place all of those things on the altar and burn them in order to give thanks to the God who has promised....

     Never to leave you

     Never to forsake you

     To work all things for your good

     To supply for all your needs

     Overwhelming victory

     Unending peace

     Salvation

ALL through Jesus Christ, who died for us and rose.  

"The salvation of God"....unending joy in friendship with our Father forever....light and goodness and mercy and abundance and shocking LOVE.... He wants to show us this, as He showed (and is showing) Corrie and Betsie.  

If I approach thanksgiving with a heart that trusts my Father and believes that He is working out His glorious plan that makes provision for my good, it will cost me.  I will have to stop the shaking fists and stomping feet; the never-ending demands and discontent.  The idea that I am owed anything in this life and have the right to demand anything at all will have to go.  If I am to give thanks in all circumstances, then I will have to believe that  my God is doing far greater things than I could ever imagine.  It may cost me my pride. And when all these things are gone and in their place is the salvation of God?

I don't think I'll miss them.

Halloween Trash, Christmas Treasure

The day began with a pep talk.  One he didn't really need.  One that I really did need.

I opened the Book.

"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ"-Phil 3:7-8

You may or may not have read my post last year about how we don't celebrate Halloween.  What you don't remember, I'm sure, is how I weaseled my way out of having to do something difficult.  Something scary.  Something that would force me to lose so that I might gain.....

To tell the truth.

You don't remember because I didn't tell you.  

Oh, I was happy to share about our decision to abstain from the Halloween festivities in the same way that Daniel abstained from the rich feasts offered to the kids being groomed by the Babylonian king.  I made sure to tell you that we didn't take part in the Halloween party at school.  I highlighted the great opportunity we had to choose to be different from the rest of the world.  It was pretty easy to write.  It was pretty easy to do, really, because aside from a school costume party and sugar high, it cost me nothing.

And I realize now that I also gained nothing.

Here's the truth: I was dishonest with Andy and his teachers.  I planned a family day trip conveniently on October 31 so that I could tell them, "I'm sorry, we'll be out of town that day." And although I've always told Andy why we don't celebrate Halloween, I protected him from the marvelous opportunity to lose so that he could gain...."Who needs that silly old party?  We're going on a trip!  Too bad for all your friends who have to go to school that day, huh?  Plus, you can dress up any time you want! We're so cool.  Most parents only let their kids dress up on Halloween.  Lame, right?  Who cares about Halloween when you can have so much fun without it?"

Shameless.

See....I thought that if I positioned it right, he might not resent us for making him miss the super fun party where he could be Captain America AT SCHOOL and eat candy corn all day long.  Maybe he'd think he's got it so much better than all those kids who got to....no, no...HAD to go to school that day.

And as for the teachers, well, I didn't want them to think I was some kind of religious weirdo that looked upon them with judgement for their extravagant celebration of death and evil.   I don't,  but what if they thought that?  What if I lost that thing I work so hard to protect?  That thing I've allowed to define who I am?

My pride.

I chose to hold it with a closed fist.  I chose to manage it myself because that felt a whole lot safer than letting God use my reputation for His purpose.

And I missed out.

Paul suffered some loss.  His reputation, his status, his prestige, his relationships...eventually, his life.  And he didn't just passively lose them.  He labeled them trash and threw them in the dumpster.  He understood something that I'm just starting to see....

If the show "Hoarders" had a kid version, Andy would be on it.  He'd be the star of it.  It pains that boy to throw anything, ANYTHING, into the trash can.  I once saw him replace the cap of a dried-out marker and place it right back into his art bin.  I told him to throw it away, and what ensued was a 15-minute long discussion about whether he really HAD to get rid of it.  He was worried that someday, he might find some use for it, and he will have lost it forever.  Can you guess what finally motivated him to throw it away?  It was this:

"You know, Andy, Christmas is coming up soon; and we've only got so much space in our house.  So, we can fill up that space with stuff that doesn't work; or we can get rid of the old and make space for the new.  I don't mind calling your grandparents and telling them you're all set with what you've got. It's your choice."

The surpassing value of new Christmas gifts made throwing away the marker the obvious choice.  Though just minutes ago, the marker was labeled, "precious;  when compared to the prospect of shiny new toys, that label changed to "trash".  This way, he had space for something that did have value.

The choice is ours too.

Paul isn't trying to devalue success, status, relationships, or reputation. He is simply saying that  the  prospect of knowing Christ is SO GREAT that these things are not worthy of the label that reads, "PRECIOUS".  Not.  Worthy.

It's hard to get rid of things unless we're convinced that what we're getting is far better than what we had.  So we're given an invitation: "Let go of that thing you've got a death grip on, so that you can come get more of ME.".   And more of Jesus....of all that He is....is ultimately what we really need.  Will I say, "No, thanks"  to more strength, more contentment, more peace, more joy, more wisdom, more love, more of HEAVEN...in order to keep my pride intact?  

If I sit down and think about it, the comparison isn't even worth making...kind of like an old, dried out marker vs. new Christmas gifts.  This thing that makes me strive to make myself into something I'm not...that bids me to lie and manipulate....that tempts me to worship myself and fumes when others don't....it ain't workin'.  I've only got so much space in my heart.  And Christmas is coming.

If it's true that my real life is hidden with Christ; if it's true that His love for me is unconditional; if it's true that in Jesus, I am complete; if it's true that the Creator of the universe cannot love me more or less than He does at this very instant because He loves me infinitely; if who I am is defined by who He is because I am His; if He has prepared a place for me and I'm almost there....

I can throw it away.  All that I considered gain.  All that I'd labeled "precious" and held onto and managed because I just really thought I would need it.....

People's positive opinion of me

The reputation of a Christian who's not crazy

Being my kids' "fun" mom

Our kids never feeling left out

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera

So I did it.

I told Andy the truth that morning.  There's  going to be a fun party that he won't attend.  Tons of kids will be talking about what they're going to be for Halloween.  It's exciting.  It's fun.   There will be candy. He will be left out.

I also told him that when we let go of something....some fun, our reputation, our money, our status, our schedule, our pride, our plans, our very lives....for the sake of honoring Jesus, what we get is far greater than what we let go.   Jesus spoke to my heart through my own pep talk.  It was weird.

But it is true.  These things I think are so important often become road blocks to what really matters.  What if I let God manage my reputation?  What if I decide I'm willing to look crazy for His sake?  What if I let go of the constant pressure to be Queen Fun Mom and let God direct what we do?  What if I let God meet my kids when they're left out?

The surpassing value of knowing Christ enabled me to tell those moms and Andy's teacher the truth last week. It was a little painful.  But now, instead of living with a heart fraught with guilt and disappointment (along with the endless work of justification of my actions), I'm excited.  I'm excited with the expectation of a kid at Christmas.  I know God  has far greater things in store for us than what my puny little efforts to manage my reputation and Andy's feelings can accomplish.  Andy trusted me and was not disappointed on Christmas morning.  Reader, will you trust your God today and ask Him to help you let go of that dried up marker in your hand?

You won't be disappointed.