Reader, I'm very worried that you might misunderstand what I'm about to say. And that's a real problem, because if you do, it would've been better for me not to write this at all. It's taken me a month to figure out whether I should even relate this incident to you. God won't allow me to let it go, though....so here we go....
Before I tell you what happened, I need you to understand something about me. I have a very. short. fuse. My patience in anything and with anyone is incredibly limited. My outbursts of frustration have ranged anywhere from sobbing over calculus homework to unbelievably harsh words hurled at a loved one. A LOVED one.
So you can imagine what it's like to get out the door to school at 8:15 a.m. With 3 boys aged 5 and younger. Right- it ain't pretty.
And I've spent more time apologizing to my kids as we walk into school than ever before. Because I'm sinful. Because I lack self control. Because I desperately need to be transformed by Jesus Christ, who died to redeem even our weekday mornings.
On one such morning, we huffed across the parking lot and I stewed about the attitudes, disobedience, and whinyness I'd encountered as I struggled to get everyone fed, dressed and out the door. As usual, halfway across the parking lot, I realized that I'd wasted yet another morning -- an opportunity to speak truth to my children without insulting them....to discipline them without emotionally bruising them....to point them to the God who made the sun rise that day.
My heart sank.
I choked back tears and made feeble attempts to apologize to Andy and Levi as we raced against the clock to get to his class. A quick weak hug. A rub of the head. "Have a good day...." And the job was done. Poorly done.
I trudged back toward the parking lot with a heavy heart, trying to hold a squirming one-year old and hold the hand of a running 3 year-old. Feeling like a total mess. I pulled myself out of my pitiful daze just long enough to realize that Levi was talking to me.
"....his brother pushed him out of the way in the parking lot. And that wasn't very nice...". And although I was completely disinterested in whatever it was that he was relating, I attempted to answer Levi with, "well maybe he was trying to protect his brother.". I heard a little chuckle behind me.
I turned to see a woman smiling at me. I smiled back. And she said this:
"You have the most beautiful family! My husband and I see you all the time and always talk about you. You just seem so well cared for....so content. We were just saying today, 'Oh there they are again! I bet she has such a happy home...a great marriage..'. And my husband said to me, 'that's the way I want YOU to look!', because you know, it's our second time around together and...."
I was in complete shock. And to my own surprise, I found myself walking through the open door. I told her what a mess we were. And I told her what a relationship with Jesus does in a person, and how He changes him, her, a marriage and a home. I told her that she hit on just the right word: "content", because no matter what, Jesus brings a joy that is immovable by circumstance or anything else. I shook as I said it. And she just said, "that's awesome."
How could this person, having witnessed me in the aftermath of my very worst morning after morning, have possibly used the word "content" to describe me? I have only one thought -
"It came about when Moses was coming down from Mount Sinai..that he (Moses) did not know that the skin on his face shone because of his speaking with Him (Almighty God)" - Exodus 34:29
Somehow, all of the mistakes I make every morning can't cover up the light of Christ that shines through me only because He died, rose, drew me, and saved me. And here I am always looking for someone to minister to, to talk with, to help, so that I might have the opportunity to share the love of Christ. But it's not my effort that makes the light. As Moses found out, just being with Him noticably changes us.
As it turns out, "this little light of mine" is actually a consuming fire that can't be doused -- by guilt, by sin, by anger, by fear, by anything. Reader- meet with your Lord today and know that if you have accepted Jesus' death on the cross as the penalty paid to cover your sin, He sends you out today to shine. So that the world will know His love for them. So that the lost will find hope in Him. So that the weary will find rest in Him. So that the captive will find freedom in Him. And the best part is that you don't have to figure out how to do that....
You just will.
