Levi and I speak different languages.
It sounds like we're both speaking English, but we certainly don't understand
each other… about 70% percent of the time.
And we are both frustrated by this fact.
Example?
"Mama - today, one of my friends got in
a fight, but I stayed out of it because I didn't want to get in trouble."
"Ok...did you go get a teacher?"
"When?"
"During the fight. To get them to
stop."
"Oh. Not during during the fight."
"What does that mean?"
"Well it wasn't really a fight."
"What was it?
"Some kids were pushing my friend around
and just like... messing with him."
"Ok...well how did it end?"
"Good"
"No...."
"Bad."
"No. Levi. What happened
that made it end?
"They just kept fighting."
"Well how did the fight end?"
"It didn't end."
"They're still fighting?'
"No."
"So how did it end?
"Good."
I'll spare you the rest, but suffice to say
that when we attempted to discuss what to do if someone was actually bullying
Levi or his friends, he interpreted my advice as follows: "If someone says
I'm a bully, I can punch them all I want"
Clearly, this is not what I said.
We have no control over the way someone else interprets what
we say.
…Or over what matters to them…
Levi loves school. He
loves school so much that, for the entire first week, he wouldn’t stop what he
was doing to go to the bathroom. All
day. Levi could not bear to miss one
minute of kindergarten action; so he ended up with wet pants….multiple times a
day.
And he did not see this as a problem.
Now that you know about our communication issue, how
effective do you think I was at helping him understand that it was a problem?
I’m sure you’ve guessed correctly, and I hope you’re getting
a bit of a chuckle from it while we’re at it.
We have no control
over what matters to someone else.
The inability to conform another’s thinking to ours, or even
to understand a mind that operates so differently from ours, brings great
frustration.
I’ll tell you another little tidbit here. Different kid, same issue.
I’ll just say that I have spent inordinate amounts of time
explaining to Andy our reasons for not celebrating Halloween. Every year of his life that he has been able
to speak, we have discussed Halloween at length. Ad nauseum.
Far, far more than necessary.
Because when someone in class…kid, teacher, or parent…asked the “What
are you gonna be” question, I wanted him to be ready with a confident, straight-forward
answer. This answer is something I spent
quite a bit of time crafting on my own so that it would be simple, succinct,
true, and easy to say….
“Our family doesn’t celebrate Halloween. We don’t think there’s anything wrong with
celebrating it. It’s just a special way
for us to honor God.”
Yup.
And when his second grade teacher asked the class last year
if there was anyone who didn’t celebrate Halloween, Andy boldly raised his
hand. When she enquired as to why, did
he spit out my carefully crafted little spiel that had been pounded into his
head for 3 years straight?
Nope.
“It’s Satan’s birthday.”
That. That’s what he said.
I really do hope you’re laughing, because it really is funny. We have no control over someone else’s
choices.
Alright then, what does it all mean? I must say that I am guilty of treating my
kids like little robots. If I just input
all the right stuff in the right order, they’ll do just what I want them to
do. Right?
Turns out that God gave them free will, just like He gave me.
What do we do with things that are truly outside of our
control, but matter? “Let go and let
God” is one of those sayings that just makes me cringe. As if it were that simple. As if “letting go” of issues like terminal
illness, business failure, or marriage crisis was something you just decide to
do one day.
Let me tell you one more story….
Levi and his buddy, Blake, like to play on a spider-web
climbing…thing…at school. For a few days
in a row, a couple of big kids wouldn’t let Levi and Blake climb on it. The duty teachers, trying to encourage the
boys to work out conflict together, were not about to kick the big kids
off. Levi attempted to reason with them
(as far as 5 year old boys reason), but to no avail. He couldn’t change their minds. He was frustrated, so he walked away.
And he prayed for them.
Why do my eyes look absolutely everywhere else for help
before they look to my heavenly Father? Why do I apply formulas and repetition and Socratic
methods and all the other wisdom the world has to offer before seeking wisdom
from above?
Has He not invited me to come?
“Call to me and I will answer you…” – Jeremiah 33:3
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” – Phil
4:6
Does He not listen when I talk?
“He will call upon Me, and I will answer him…” – Psalm 91:15
“It
will also come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are
still speaking, I will hear.” – Isaiah 65:24
“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your
children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to
those who ask Him!” – Matthew 7:11
If God invites me to speak with Him and assures me that He
will listen, and says He’s ready and willing to give, why don’t I come?
It’s the same thing that prevents me from getting through to
my kids, except the issue here is one-sided.
I don’t speak God’s language…about 70% of the time.
I speak the language of performance and formulas and steps
taken and actionable items and checklists and accomplishment. This language also includes guilt and shame
and weariness and disillusionment and hopelessness.
Like Andy and Levi, though, just barely beginning to gain
understanding and usage of English, I am learning the language of my Father: that
of grace and hope, forgiveness and love, free gifts and freedom.
How, you ask?
Within the past 2 weeks, I have bleached my favorite shirt,
left my keys in my mailbox (one of those big ones on the side of the highway),
lost my credit card, and showed up to a Bible study group I was facilitating
feeling quite prepared…only to find out that I’d prepared for the wrong lesson
the entire week. I can’t even say that
I’ve been sick or particularly flustered or anything like that. I’m a pretty mindful person, too. I truly can’t figure out how any of these
things happened, but I am so glad they did.
I’m starting to grasp the reality that even when I am at my best…
I don’t have control over anything.
“You
have put all things in subjection under His (Jesus’) feet’. For in subjecting all things to Him, He left
nothing that is not subject to Him…: - Hebrews 2:8
My striving accomplishes little.
“I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too
difficult for me?” – Jeremiah 32:27
My energy runs low.
“Do
you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator
of the ends of the earth. He will not
grow tired or weary….” - Isaiah 40:28
My brain can only handle so much stuff to remember.
“…and His understanding no one can fathom” – Isaiah 40:28
BUT I CAN PRAY.
Levi knows that he has a compassionate, powerful heavenly
Father. He knows that His Father hears
him when he calls, cares about the things that affect his life, and acts in
response to his requests. So when he
encounters stuff he can’t control, he prays.
And you…what are you up against? What is it, that if you could just wrangle
your way by your wisdom or your desire, you’d be happy? That thing may just be an invitation from God
to come and see just how good and wise and loving and powerful He really is.
Remember the way He gives: like a good…no…like a perfectly good Father. He gives this way because that’s who He
is. A good father doesn’t give his child
everything he asks for all the time. He
gives him what is best for him, but never resents his having asked. He invites the asking. The relationship is built upon the child’s
needs being faithfully met by the father.
And although the father must say “no” at times to a request, the child
can trust that even that “no” is for his benefit…even if he can’t understand
why it can’t be “yes”. He invites us to
trust in His character…that of a perfectly good Father…when we don’t understand. Bury your head in His chest, reader. Flail your fists if you need. He will hold you through it.
Trust Him with your need today. Let Him teach you His language. He is near and He is waiting… to listen, to
give, to wrap you in His love.
“Because He has inclined His ear to me,
therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.” – Psalm 116:2
