It's unbelievable, really.
I've attempted to write this post 5 times. I almost succeeded just now, after an hour and a half of work, and my iPad just did the most hilarious thing. As I typed out my final sentence, it just switched to a different page and got rid of all I'd done.
Hilarious, because this post is about hardship. So forgive whatever grammar and spelling mistakes lie ahead. Although it is well past my bedtime, you understand, I MUST finish this.
I'd heard it from the mouth of a dear friend: "Shine bright!". She says this to her daughter as she leaves her with my boys and I for a few hours one morning.
I think on this as I listen to Andy tell me that he missed school during Spring break. He tells me of how he enjoyed serving a lonely, new boy at school the way he thinks Jesus would've done it. I can't help but think how far we've come since the mornings I'd walk away from the playground, leaving him crying underneath the slide.
Little does he know that his mama was ready to quit public school just a few weeks ago...over a pretty minor issue.
But really, it's a huge issue. For all of us. Let me explain (for the 5th time):
I was helping in Andy's class one day as they colored paper Easter eggs. One little girl just couldn't decide what color to use for the background of her egg. I suggested that she block it out, and use all three colors she liked. While she was thrilled with this solution, she ended up getting in trouble for executing it. Apparently, because some kids would end up with a big black blob if allowed to use more than one color, the children had been specifically instructed to use only one color. The little girl was quite embarrassed, as was I. My attempt to take all the blame for the incident was not successful. "She knew better". I left school that day determined to homeschool my kids. I didn't want MY son's creativity squashed and traded in for conformity. At least, that's what I told myself.
About a week later, our youngest son ended up in the hospital with Kawasaki disease. I felt the same anger I'd felt in Andy's classroom that day, except this time, I was angry with God. How could He let this happen?
It struck me as I sat in that hospital room....how easily I lose sight of the goal. The prize.The reason for all I do. For most of my life, I've made happiness (or maybe just the avoidance of unhappiness) the ultimate aspiration. And so, if I am a "good" parent, I'll do everything in my power to eliminate all possible sources of unhappiness in my child's life, right?
But this breaks down in the hospital room. Because if God is MY good parent, why am I sitting here watching my baby boy burn up from the inside?
God, of course, does nothing accidentally. And so, my Bible study group just happens to be working through the book of James. You must know where I'm headed with this:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"--James 1:2-4
Would I say that as a parent, I might like to see my boy become mature? Complete? LACKING NOTHING? I have been willing to settle for far less: "I just want him to be happy...."
Because here's the real, honest truth, folks. I'm not worried that public school will turn Andy into some kind of mindless, conforming robot. The boy is the anti-joiner. The mere fact that everyone is doing something is what makes him not want to do it. I am not worried in the least that public school will crush his creativity. The child comes home and creates spy gadgets out of copy paper, for heaven's sake. The school system, in my eyes, had essentially become a threat to my Andy's happiness. And because my goal for myself and for him has been quite displaced, I deemed that completely unacceptable.
Good Friday comes, and the Son of God hangs on a cross, utterly alone. Had His Father chosen to trade His hardship for temporary happiness, you and I would have no hope. None.
Easter Sunday comes, and Jesus rises to His Father's invitation: "Shine bright!". And the proof of His love and power lives. The power of sin, the sting of death, GONE.
Happiness....a fleeting counterfeit for joy....joy that comes with the wholeness that only Christ can bring...it isn't the prize.
HE is the prize.
The guarantee was never a life without hardship. The guarantee is that Jesus has redeemed all that is frustrating, sad, painful, and horrifyingly wrong with life in this world...and WE get to be part of that redemption.
"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."--John 16:33
Ill take the hardship. Because if the trials and difficulties of this life are the doors through which I...and my son... get to enter into deeper relationship with the Highest and Best, it is worth it. it is MORE than worth it.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worthyto be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us."--Romans 8:18
Take heart, believer. You hold the hand of the Light of men. If you are unhappy, draw nearer to Him as you walk through the darkness. He has already overcome it. Rise to His invitation, and WITH Him, SHINE BRIGHT!
