(Taking
a break from school-related ideas today, because I know you’ll give me the
grace to do that.)
“If I’d only known…”
Oftentimes, words of regret. Monday was a day that was regrettably filled
with worry. And I found myself uttering
these words at the end of it.
Levi was to attend his first
baseball practice at the rookie level at 5:30pm. I spent the entire day with a knot in my
stomach, wondering whether he’d make the team or not. When we finally got to practice…well…let me
just list the events of practice in order:
1. After playing
catch with Levi for about 2 minutes, the coach’s son begged his dad to let him
play with someone else.
2. Levi caught
exactly 0 balls during all of practice.
3. Levi wet his
pants, and didn’t care enough to get off the field.
Pretty bad. I was preparing my
knowing smile and enthusiastic head nod for when the coach inevitably told me
that this season wouldn’t be Levi’s rookie debut. But then this happened:
4. Levi got a hit off the pitching machine.
5. Levi made the
team.
Couldn’t believe it. I had spent the entire day (and especially
that nerve-wracking practice time) snapping at the kids as I do when I’m
anxious, distractedly half-listening to adults, and causing myself a stomach ache…for
what? Levi would have made the team even
if I’d spent the day mentally skipping through meadows. I laughed relief and shook my head at myself:
“If I’d only known”.
On a much more serious note, I have
mentioned my atheist friend from high school who committed suicide our first
year of college. I never took the
opportunities presented to tell her about the God who loves her
infinitely. I was worried that my feeble
attempts at beginner’s apologetics would be no match for her high level
logic. I was worried I’d look like a
fool, or that I’d stumble over her arguments and make God look like a
fool. You know something? None of that matters now. I shake my head at what could’ve been and say
it quite differently when I think of her: “If I’d only known”.
But we don’t know, do we? We’re not given the gift or curse of
foresight. The future is not ours to
know. So we spend some days worrying
needlessly and we also waste opportunities because we simply don’t know what’s
going to happen in the end. The coming
election for U.S. President, college choice, investment decisions…we do our
best, but we have no assurance of the results. “Then how do we live?” I ask
myself. “How do we know that everything
we’re currently doing isn’t completely misguided? How do we know we won’t get to the end of our
lives and find we’ve completely missed the point? How do we know that our most carefully made
plans and decisions won’t eventually be the greatest regrets of our lives?”
Here’s an offensive idea for you: Is
worry simply the result of facing the harsh reality that I might not get what I
want? The thought that I won’t get what
I want…for my career, for my children, for my country, for my legacy, for my
reputation, for my relationships…is that what actually ties my stomach in
knots?
If so, where does my hope lie? It must be in those very things I’m worried
about. The what-ifs reveal the hope
hoarders.
Here’s a list of some of mine. Maybe you’re familiar with a few of these?
“What if I run out of money?” – My
hope for security is hoarded by having lots of money saved up.
“What if my kids go through
hardship?” – My hope for the kids being healthy is hoarded by protecting them
from all negative experiences.
“What if I never do anything of
significance? – My hope for a meaningful life is hoarded by some obscure idea
of having made a big impact on a large number of people.
There you have it. If I just save up enough money, protect my
kids from any possible disappointment, and find a way to change the lives of
thousands of people, well I’ll have….
What?
What is the goal? Is it a life without hardship? Is it a life
filled with people’s approval? Heck…is
it simply “a life well lived”? Because
even that…at the end of it? It’s still
over. Still finished. The world moves on without you.
There must be a better way to live.
There must be something better
to hope for and in.
I’d like to look at a few people who
are listed by name in the book of Hebrews.
They lived differently because they hoped differently:
Abel was a man who managed to offer
a sacrifice acceptable to God almighty, even though he was a wretched sinner
like you and me.
Enoch lived in such a way as to be taken up to
heaven before dying. Noah built a
massive boat that preserved all creatures without gills.
Abraham left the land he and his
family had always known to follow God to a new one that He would show him.
Sarah gave birth to a son when she was well
into her nineties. Abraham marched that
son up a mountain one day to set him on an altar…
You see, these people knew that the
thing they ultimately placed their hope in could never be shaken. The thing that held their hope for
fulfillment, significance, and peace…not only in their own lives, but in their
children and even their nation…is a relationship with their heavenly Father.
They knew that all their longings and needs
would ultimately only be filled by Him.
Their broken hearts, their lonely lives, their yearning for
significance…could only ever be fully addressed by His perfect love for them.
And they had assurance that their
hope…Father God Himself…could not be taken from them.
“Now faith is the assurance of
things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval.” –
Hebrews 11:1
“And without faith, it is impossible
to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and He is a
rewarder of those who seek Him.” – Hebrews 11:6
Noah didn’t know how the whole
cataclysmic flood thing was going to work out; but he had assurance that God existed
and was a rewarder of him that seeks Him.
Sarah laughed at the idea that she’d
be able to have a biological child at her age; but she had assurance that “He
who had promised was faithful” – from Hebrews 11:11
These “witnesses”, as the book of
Hebrews calls them, gained approval by God and did extraordinary things because
their anchors were sunk not in a bear market or a child-rearing philosophy, but
in the character of a faithful God.
And here is their encouragement to
us:
“Because we have so great a cloud of
witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin
which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is
set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who
for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat
down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-2
This great cloud of witnesses is
comprised of sinful people who made foolish mistakes and shook their heads at
themselves just as we do. But they
didn’t do the sad mumble of the myopic: “If only I’d known”. They did
know. And that made all the
difference.
They knew that their God loved them
with an everlasting love and would never abandon them. They knew that somehow, He would rescue them
from the endless sadness and wretched disappointment that accompanies having
fallen short of His glory and being helpless to change.
Reader, that same One who stirred
that faith in them is the author and perfecter of our faith too. He Himself, though unspeakable suffering
would come, endured the cross for our sake…and for the joy set before Him.
And then He sat down.
He sat down because the work was
finished. He’d accomplished all that was
necessary to bring all who would come to Him into close fellowship with the
Father.
Forever.
And He, the ultimate good..the
source of all good, would cause His truth to bear on the lives of each one of
them.
That they are significant
That they are loved
That they are whole and complete
That they are never alone
That they have purpose
Because they are His.
When the what-ifs crop up as they
do, and we identify those things we hope in that will ultimately let us down,
let’s let go.
Let’s let go of our hope in our own
wisdom. Maybe God has better ideas for
Levi’s life than my pathway to success?
Let’s grab on instead to the hope that He is, and He is a rewarder of
those who seek Him.
Let’s let go of the ideas that keep
us from stepping out on shaky ground. Just
because we think we know what will happen doesn’t mean it will happen. Let’s grab on instead to the hope that He who
has promised to work all things for the good of those who love Him is faithful.
Let’s let go of thinking that we
have to have every detail of every part of our lives worked out in order to be
successful. I dare you to let Him define
success for your life. Let’s grab on
instead to the hope that He directs the paths of those who commit their way to
Him.
I guess what I’m asking is: will you
run with me today? Running together,
let’s remind each other of Who we’re running towards, what He’s done, and how
glorious the finish will be. This we know!
Though
the course is rough and we can’t see the end of it,
Though our feet ache more with each step ‘round the bend of it,
Let us throw off the oppressive weight of all care
That causes us to dart right and left, here and there;
Fix our eyes on the One, our forerunner, our priest
Who’s entered the veil and conquered the beast.
Throw off the chains and hold fast to the rope
Of faith in this Jesus, our unfailing hope.
Though our feet ache more with each step ‘round the bend of it,
Let us throw off the oppressive weight of all care
That causes us to dart right and left, here and there;
Fix our eyes on the One, our forerunner, our priest
Who’s entered the veil and conquered the beast.
Throw off the chains and hold fast to the rope
Of faith in this Jesus, our unfailing hope.
