A few years ago, the answer was, "No."
And I didn't get an explanation.
I'd done everything "right.". Took care of myself, took vitamins, gave up caffeine (how terrible),and prayed like crazy for a healthy baby.
And that kind-hearted doctor had said it - "There was nothing you could have done..."
Isn't it infuriating to encounter our own helplessness?
I sit here mulling over the words of a lovely Christian lady who told me that she homeschools her kids because, in her words: "It's the only way we can keep their worldview what we want."
The ONLY way....
Andy started first grade this week....at public school, of course. And the Facebook posts and articles get to me just a bit more and make me pause. I wonder if I've correctly understood God's calling for our family. I wonder if Andy will choose to give his life to Christ this year, or in junior high, or in college, or not at all. And if he chooses that last one, will we forever wonder if our schooling choice was the reason?
As you may know, our youngest son had a run in with Kawasaki disease in March. We have prayed SO much that God would prevent him from having consequential damage to his arteries. He was scheduled for an echo test today. I walked through the halls of the hospital with my stomach in knots, fearing that we'd find the answer to those innumerable prayers was "No". Because really, my only hope lay in God's answer. Oh sure, I've given Ajay half a baby aspirin every morning for the past 5 months; but was that minuscule amount of medicine going to trump the will of God?
And what about my prayers? Does the fact that I strive to honor the God who reached down from heaven and saved me from all that destroys me mean that He must always answer "Yes" when I ask? I don't think it works that way. There's not much evidence that God rewards those who seek to manipulate Him.
I couldn't make our first baby's heart continue to beat. And because I saw it sitting still on an ultrasound screen so many years ago, I couldn't watch the echo screen today. It felt like if I looked at it, that fragile little heart of Ajay's would stop too. I sat with my face purposely turned from the screen, until somehow, I got distracted and glanced over.
I can't really describe what I saw. I tried to find a good picture online of a heart on an echo screen, but none could do it justice. I watched all these pulsing caverns of black, surrounded by what looked like beaming light. Each tiny moving part was lit up and the whole thing just seemed to glow. I had to stifle my reaction to keep from creating an uncomfortable situation for the echo tech, but I was overwhelmed. God is sustaining that little heart. Without my help.
The blackness of Andy's spiritual heart is undeniable, just like yours and mine. And what can I do to cause the Light to shine in it? The better question is: what can anyone do to KEEP the Light from shining in it?
Will exposure to non-believers every day trump God's power to save? Will the arguments of evolution stamp out the faith God gives? Will temptation to do wrong simply be too great for the Holy Spirit to overcome? Will the forces of this evil world so envelop my son that he will be unsave able? I think we have some encouragement from scripture on this one:
"For it is by grace you have been saved through faith-- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" -Ephesians 2:8
In the same way that my vitamins couldn't save our first son, our choice of education system won't save our second. And in the same way that my powers of vision unleashed upon the echo screen didn't stop Ajay's heart today, the forces of evil in the public school system can NOT prevail against a heart that belongs to Jesus. If Andy is saved, he will be saved by the same grace that answered "yes" to my prayers today at the hospital. It will be through his faith, and that not of his mama...that faith in itself is God's gift too.
I'd be lying if I said I had it all figured out. I don't. But I can't walk around wondering if everyone else has it all figured out and I'm ruining my kids. I can't belittle the calling that God has placed in our hearts to be part of the public school system and question it every time someone's Facebook post makes me nervous. Paul tells Timothy (and me) that God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and discipline.
Therefore, he says, we aren't to be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord. He encourages us to join him in suffering for the gospel according to...get this... "the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus..." -2 Timothy 1:7-9
Homeschooler, public schooler, private schooler:
Walk with peace and confidence today. Your God, whose power saved you, is able to save your children. And it will not happen according to your works, and it will not be hindered by another's works. We teach our children the truths of God because He IS true and as believers, we can do no other. However, it is according to HIS own purpose and grace that their hearts will glow with His light. And THAT is the only way a Christian worldview survives.
I'll leave you with the encouragement Paul gave Timothy in verse 12 of 2 Timothy 1, in which he reveals the reason that he suffers for the gospel according to the purpose God has for him. He makes sure to say that he is not ashamed of his calling because of this:
"..I know whom I have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day."
Mom, Dad, college kid, high schooler, mid-schooler, Andy.....
Know and remember whom you have believed. He is able to save and to guard. Trust and rest in His purpose for YOU. And do NOT be ashamed.
