To all "Back To School" signs everywhere... especially the one pictured above:
Wipe that smug look off your face this instant. You know good and well that it is completely inappropriate and, in fact, offensive, given the nature of your message. The letters above your clever little tape dispenser eyes should actually read, "Fun Time Is OVER, kids."
The summer raced by. We had swim lessons and lazy afternoons. We had Popsicles and water gun fights. We camped and ate s'mores. And do you know how many times I thought of you? Not once. Except for that one time when I had to do laundry all afternoon. And that one day I spent yelling at the kids every 5 seconds for fighting. And that day that I just didn't have it in me to be Firestar....or Wonder Woman...or whoever I was told to be that day....anymore.
Ok, I guess I thought about you a lot. Actually, you drove a lot of my summer days. My fear of seeing your protractor-smile motivated me to make the very most of every summer moment. It also made me desperately sad at the end of those days that I felt hadn't lived up to their full potential. You made me feel like I had wasted time that I'd never get back...ever. And now here you are, taunting me..."Did you do your best, Ash? Did you do summer RIGHT?"
I guess you're not alone, Back To School Sign. A lot of inanimate objects seem to evoke this response in me and my fellow humans. Wonderful things like diplomas and wedding rings, baby shower invites and college acceptance letters....they make us want to dance and sob all at once. The start of something new always means the end of something else, and we just hate when things end.
And we hate the unknown.
And we don't want to have any regrets.
I reluctantly look up the school supply list for Andy and ask God to give me His perspective on all of this. He is revealing it, through verses that I am so familiar with that I quite often dismiss. Here we go.
My friend tells me she's praying Psalm 46 for me. Verse 10 says, "Cease striving and know that I am God.". Oh. Right. HE is the ultimate good, faithful, unchanging One who rules over all. And I asked Him to be in charge of my life. I asked HIM. Should I stop trying to do His job? Should I stop critiquing my execution of His job? Er......
In Jeremiah, God says He knows the plans He has for me, and that they're good. (see Jeremiah 29:11). Is it possible that the all-knowing, eternal God sees this next stage of our lives...and has already planned for it? Oh- and by the way, those plans are to give me a future and a hope. Wait...is that true for my kids too? You mean their future and hope don't hinge on my parenting? On my being with them every second of the day? On what type of schooling they receive? Ummm ...hmmmm....
And the kicker--my awesome husband reminded me that God, through Paul, shares with us all the secret of contentment:
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"--Philippians 4:13
No, I can't jump off my house and expect not to break my legs because Christ will "strengthen" me; but I DO NOT need to do all of life ALONE! We humans were never meant to do all things on this earth alone! My friend moving across the country, my sister sending her little one to preschool, my cousin who is a mom-to-be, and I...CAN do all of these exhausting, wonderful, and terrifying things that lie ahead....WITH our Father because of the saving work of Jesus Christ. Our comfort in life CAN come from the fact that in all of our failings, soarings, and crashings, we did it all with Emmanuel-- God WITH us.
And just maybe.....He caused...IS causing... it all to work for OUR good; and to accomplish His great and marvelous plans. Could anyone ever dream to be a part of something bigger?
Oh--- and I can't mess it all up. Not a single bit of it.
Well. Back To School Sign, this sure escalated quickly. I still don't like you, and I wish you'd at least give us till August to not have to see your face. Just know this: I am NOT afraid of you anymore. You are not bigger than my God.
I win.
