Hardship and Happiness

It's unbelievable, really.

I've attempted to write this post 5 times.  I almost succeeded just now, after an hour and a half of work, and my iPad just did the most hilarious thing.  As I typed out my final sentence, it just switched to a different page and got rid of all I'd done.

Hilarious, because this post is about hardship.  So forgive whatever grammar and spelling mistakes lie ahead.  Although it is well past my bedtime, you understand, I MUST finish this.

I'd heard it from the mouth of a dear friend: "Shine bright!". She says this to her daughter as she leaves her with my boys and I for a few hours one morning.

I think on this as I listen to Andy tell me that he missed school during Spring break.  He tells me of how he enjoyed serving a lonely, new boy at school the way he thinks Jesus would've done it.  I can't help but think how far we've come since the mornings  I'd walk away from the playground, leaving him crying underneath the slide.

Little does he know that his mama was ready to quit public school just a few weeks ago...over a pretty minor issue.

But really, it's a huge issue.  For all of us.  Let me explain (for the 5th time):

I was helping in Andy's class one day as they colored paper Easter eggs.  One little girl just couldn't decide what color to use for the background of her egg.  I suggested that she block it out, and use all three colors she liked.  While she was thrilled with this solution, she ended up getting in trouble for executing it.  Apparently, because some kids would end up with a big black blob if allowed to use more than one color, the children had been specifically instructed to use only one color.  The little girl was quite embarrassed, as was I.  My attempt to take all the blame for the incident was not successful.  "She knew better".  I left school that day determined to homeschool my kids.  I didn't want MY son's creativity squashed and traded in for conformity.  At least, that's what I told myself.

About a week later, our youngest son ended up in the hospital with Kawasaki disease.  I felt the same anger I'd felt in Andy's classroom that day, except this time, I was angry with God.  How could He let this happen?

It struck me as I sat in that hospital room....how easily I lose sight of the goal.  The prize.The reason for all I do.  For most of my life, I've made happiness (or maybe just the avoidance of unhappiness) the ultimate aspiration.  And so, if I am a "good" parent, I'll do everything in my power to eliminate all possible sources of unhappiness in my child's life, right? 

But this breaks down in the hospital room.  Because if God is MY good parent, why am I sitting here watching my baby boy burn up from the inside?

God, of course, does nothing accidentally.  And so, my Bible study group just happens to be working through the book of James.  You must know where I'm headed with this:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"--James 1:2-4

Would I say that as a parent, I might like to see my boy become mature?  Complete?  LACKING NOTHING?  I have been willing to settle for far less: "I just want him to be happy...."

Because here's the real, honest truth, folks.  I'm not worried that public school will turn Andy into some kind of mindless, conforming robot.  The boy is the anti-joiner.  The mere fact that everyone is doing something is what makes him not want to do it.  I am not worried in the least that public school will crush his creativity.  The child comes home and creates spy gadgets out of copy paper, for heaven's sake.  The school system, in my eyes, had essentially become a threat to my Andy's happiness.  And because my goal for myself and for him has been quite displaced, I deemed that completely unacceptable.

Good Friday comes, and the Son of God hangs on a cross, utterly alone.  Had His Father chosen to trade His hardship for temporary happiness, you and I would have no hope.  None.

Easter Sunday comes, and Jesus rises to His Father's invitation: "Shine bright!". And the proof of His love and power lives.  The power of sin, the sting of death, GONE.

Happiness....a fleeting counterfeit for joy....joy that comes with the wholeness that only Christ can bring...it isn't the prize.

HE is the prize.

The guarantee was never a life without hardship.  The guarantee is that Jesus has redeemed all that is frustrating, sad, painful, and horrifyingly wrong with life in this world...and WE get to be part of that redemption.

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world, you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."--John 16:33

Ill take the hardship.  Because if the trials and difficulties of this life are the doors through which I...and my son... get to enter into deeper relationship with the Highest and Best, it is worth it. it is MORE than worth it.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worthyto be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us."--Romans 8:18

Take heart, believer.  You hold the hand of the Light of men.  If you are unhappy, draw nearer to Him as you walk through the darkness.  He has already overcome it.  Rise to His invitation, and WITH Him, SHINE BRIGHT!

The Love Bug Perspective

I didn't exactly make it on the Parent of the Week board at Andy's school this week.

Granted, I'm new at this public school thing...as a parent, anyway.  And I REALLY want to do it all right.  I want to be the room mom that all the kids love.  I want to be the mom that  the teachers love to see coming down the hall.  I want to give Andy every possible advantage by establishing good relationships with the school staff so that he'll always get their smiles and benefit of the doubt.

But...it's not working out that way lately.  Let me just give you a few examples of things that are making me cringe a bit tonight:

* A teacher yelled at Andy for standing outside the girls' bathroom...because I had to take his little brother in there.  She was NOT happy that I, an adult, and he, a boy, were in there.

* I sent a "special" cupcake with sprinkles on it for a little girl in Andy's class.  It was his birthday, and he wasn't able to invite her to his party, so this was a little way to honor her friendship.  According to Andy, his teachers determined that this was quite unfair to the other kids.  They let her take it home, but I'm feeling sheepish.

* Andy couldn't check out a new book at the library today because the one he tried to return had enough water damage that we've got to pay to replace it.  How did it happen?  I don't know.  How did I not notice?  Same answer.

* While "helping" in Andy's classroom this week, I encountered a kid that would NOT focus on his work.  He spent an hour trying to glue his fingers together, cut pencils with scissors, argue with his table mates....you get the idea.  What did I do to help him?  "Get to work, Jason!" "Jason, you're going to miss self selection!" "Jason! Everyone's done but you!" "Come on, Jason, finish up!" The other mom that was there to help walked by as I was "motivating" young Jason, and I gave her a "this kid is hopeless" shrug and shake of the head.  She walked right up to him, challenged him to a cut-n-paste race, and he was done in 3 minutes.

Yeeeaahhhh.....my picture is certainly not hanging up anywhere in the school halls!  However, this is:

Everyone in Andy's class was asked to define love.  Their answers are all posted in the hall outside their classroom.  Andy, without hesitation, answered that Jesus Himself IS love, and that He makes us love others when He lives inside us.

He may not get the advantage of having the favorite room mom.

He not get the benefit of the doubt all the time.

He may not be treated at school the way I'd hope he would.

He may get punished for things outside of his control.

But he'll be alright, because he GETS the important thing: Jesus- King of the universe, Son of the Most High, Savior of the world,

Loves him.

Treasures him.

Lives in him.

Transforms him.

Empowers him.

Fills him.

Never leaves him.

These are the things that matter.  These are the things that allow a person to interpret a tough day, a wrong impression, an unfair judgement, a disappointment, as opportunities to grow closer to the God who's done everything to be close to us.

.

Andy's "love bug" proclaims truth and hope in the halls of a place whose visitors are desperate for both.  My reputation, my cupcakes, my involvement will speak nothing of the love and glory of God unless my focus is on things above- where the One Great Love is seated.  This is my prayer now.  Join me in it?

Father, "Set (my) mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For (I) have died, and (my) life is hidden with Christ in God. (Thank You that) when Christ who is my life appears, then (I) also will appear with him in glory" - Colossians 3:2-4 

How To Shine: From A DIY Failure

Reader, I'm very worried that you might misunderstand what I'm about to say.  And that's a real problem, because if you do, it would've been better for me not to write this at all.  It's taken me a month to figure out whether I should even relate this incident to you.  God won't allow me to let it go, though....so here we go....

Before I tell you what happened, I need you to understand something about me.  I have a very. short. fuse.  My patience in anything and with anyone is incredibly limited.  My outbursts of frustration have ranged anywhere from sobbing over calculus homework to unbelievably harsh words hurled at a loved one.  A LOVED one.

So you can imagine what it's like to get out the door to school at 8:15 a.m. With 3 boys aged 5 and younger.  Right- it ain't pretty.

And I've spent more time apologizing to my kids as we walk into school than ever before.  Because I'm sinful.  Because I lack self control.  Because I desperately need to be transformed by Jesus Christ, who died to redeem even our weekday mornings.

On one such morning, we huffed across the parking lot and I stewed about the attitudes, disobedience, and whinyness I'd encountered as I struggled to get everyone fed, dressed and out the door.  As usual, halfway across the parking lot, I realized that I'd wasted yet another morning -- an opportunity to speak truth to my children without insulting them....to discipline them without emotionally bruising them....to point them to the God who made the sun rise that day.

My heart sank.

I choked back tears and made feeble attempts to apologize to Andy and Levi as we raced against the clock to get to his class.  A quick weak hug.  A rub of the head.  "Have a good day...." And the job was done.  Poorly done.

I trudged back toward the parking lot with a heavy heart, trying to hold a squirming one-year old and hold the hand of a running 3 year-old.  Feeling like a total mess.  I pulled myself out of  my pitiful daze just long enough to realize that Levi was talking to me.

"....his brother pushed him out of the way in the parking lot.  And that wasn't very nice...". And although I was completely disinterested in whatever it was that he was relating, I attempted to answer Levi with, "well maybe he was trying to protect his brother.". I heard a little chuckle behind me.

I turned to see a woman smiling at me.  I smiled back.  And she said this:

"You have the most beautiful family!  My husband and I see you all the time and always talk about you.  You just seem so well cared for....so content.  We were just saying today, 'Oh there they are again!  I bet she has such a happy home...a great marriage..'. And my husband said to me, 'that's the way I want YOU to look!', because you know, it's our second time around together and...."

I was in complete shock.  And to my own surprise, I found myself walking through the open door.  I told her what a mess we were.  And I told her  what a relationship with Jesus does in a person, and how He changes him, her, a marriage and a home.  I told her that she hit on just the right word: "content", because no matter what, Jesus brings a joy that is immovable by circumstance or anything else.  I shook as I said it. And she just said, "that's awesome."

How could this person, having witnessed me in the aftermath of my very worst morning after morning, have possibly used the word "content" to describe me?  I have only one thought -

"It came about when Moses was coming down from Mount Sinai..that he (Moses) did not know that the skin on his face shone because of his speaking with Him (Almighty God)" - Exodus 34:29

Somehow, all of the mistakes I make every morning can't cover up the light of Christ that shines through me only because He died, rose, drew me, and saved me.  And here I am always looking for someone to minister to, to talk with, to help, so that I might have the opportunity to share the love of Christ.  But it's not my effort that makes the light. As Moses found out,  just being with Him noticably changes us.

As it turns out, "this little light of mine" is actually a consuming fire that can't be doused -- by guilt, by sin, by anger, by fear, by anything.  Reader- meet with your Lord today and know that if you have accepted Jesus' death on the cross as the penalty paid to cover your sin, He sends you out today to shine.  So that the world will know His love for them.  So that the lost will find hope in Him.  So that the weary will find rest in Him. So that the captive will find freedom in Him. And the best part is that you don't have to figure out how to do that....

You just will.

The Different(s)

(Obviously, the following names are fake, but the people are real.)

Amy sits across from me on the bus.  We're taking a field trip to the pumpkin patch and she tells me a joke with a cuss word in it.  She says her dad told it to her.

Owen's mom tells me in line that she and her husband are getting a divorce, and it's been really hard because they work together.  Owen's not taking it very well.

Maliah's dad comes to open house night with 2 other kids smaller than her and desperately tries to calm the baby while Mrs. Charlotte explains the new core standards.  I see him frantically attempting to braid her wild hair at 8:40 in the morning.  He wears his army fatigues and his big fingers can't really get a hold of that baby-fine hair on his precious daughter's head.  Maliah is a firecracker, and spends a lot of time having to sit at her desk with her head down.

What a world full of hurt we live in.

What a world of opportunity for our family to demonstrate Christ's love sits just up the street.

We babysat for a mom and dad of one of Andy's classmates last month that HATE asking people for favors.  I think they were blessed by how happy we were to do it.

Amy (same one from above) told me that Andy is her best friend.  When I told Andy what she said, he told me about how some big kids had been making fun of her, and he had told her to pray.  He told her that Jesus was always with her, and that He would change the big kids' hearts.

Maliah was mistakenly not packed a dessert last week, and it absolutely destroyed her.  Andy gave her some of his, and she became his new best friend.

I am amazed by how easy God has made it to minister to people we hardly know.  In an institution like public school, people who might never intentionally cross paths are forced to do so.  So we get to be intentional about our interaction with them.  None of these things are earth-shattering demonstrations of the massivity of God's love for the world; but each act is done with the intent of loving others so that they will know Jesus:

"A new command I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." - John 13:35

Our hope is that these small acts of loving them will be tools in God's hands to draw them to the One Great Love.

Now, the question is: From an outside perspective, how are our acts different from any atheist's kind acts done purely to help someone out?

Well.....we also didn't celebrate Halloween today.

Now- WAIT WAIT WAIT!  Don't X out of this blog never to return!  Just hear me out....

We don't think that everyone who celebrates Halloween is a Satan worshipper.  We see Halloween as Daniel saw the great feasts in Babylon....as opportunity to be holy.  

"Holy"....meaning set apart.

"Holy"...meaning different.

When Daniel was faced with a choice of who to pray to, it was an easy one.  Although "everyone else" was pretty swayed by the culture of Babylon, Daniel had separated himself from it a long time before.  While all the other young men feasted on rich food from the king's finest chefs, Daniel ate veggies.  He didn't do it for attention; in fact, he did it in secret.  There was nothing wrong with eating all this wonderful food; it's just that Daniel knew he was there for something more.  He didn't want his focus on his God stolen by the comforts of the culture.  He had found a unique way to honor the Lord.  And when decision time came, he was ready.

In the same way, not celebrating Halloween is a way our family has chosen to honor the God who sent His Son to die for us.  Now, I know this is not a popular decision.  After all, Andy's class had a full day party complete with poetry and song performances as well as lunch and a parade in honor of the holiday!  Andy's spent weeks memorizing lines and places and hand motions for something he wasn't going to attend.  And yes- I believe that he was the only one.

Could we have made an exception just for this year?  Of course!  Would God have been mad at us?  No way!

But what if Daniel had eaten roast beef instead of carrots?  Might he have been lulled just enough by the culture that surrounded him that he might think, "ah....no big deal...I'll bow down to this nit wit and then go home and pray in my closet"?  Might he, without the tangible reminder that he was to be holy, have made a decision that would've closed the door to the opportunity for God to demonstrate His awesome power in the lion's den?

We think that today,when it was obvious who wasn't there for the big party, our small acts of kindness may have the opportunity to do something  more.  When I've got to answer for why we weren't at the biggest event of the year,  I've got an open door to share what we believe and why we act as we do.  

And Andy- he was reminded today that although we Christians have total freedom to participate in Halloween, we chose not to, as a special way to be holy - different - for our God who loves us.

And THAT, I think, will make all the difference.

Grace vs. Play Dough Molds

The Mission

Parent: "So, how was your day?"

Kid: "Good."

Now, what's the next question?  In America, studies show that most of the time, it's "Did you have fun?".  In Japan, it's "What did you learn?". And this invites a host of commentary on cultures and their values.  Interesting.

What's MY question?  I'll be honest: "Who did you play with?". Because this mother is 30 years old and still measures her worth and general success in life by who she knows and what they think of her.

The answer: "no one."

Everyday.

And it hits me like a ton of bricks.  Everyday.

But Andy, he doesn't say this with tears, anger, or even disappointment.  Because as it turns out, I've been given a son who couldn't care less about who he knows and what they think of him.  During recess, he's Ironman, on a mission to get the bad guys.  If other kids want to join him in his valiant efforts, great.  If not, it's his duty to protect them himself.

And I worry because I think he'll become isolated.  I think he'll get ridiculed.  I think he'll be sad.  And my fear stems from the fact that my measure of worth is completely wrapped up in my relationships.  

I fear he'll think he's worthless.

"Oh!" he says, "I talked to two kids about Jesus today."

"You did?!  That's great!  What did you say?"

He goes on to tell me about how he remembered being told that his mission at school was to shine the light of Jesus.  So he simply asked a couple of kids if they believed in God.  Both said yes, but later in the conversation, flip-flopped and replaced the truth with made-up stories about how the universe came about.  One said Jesus is make-believe.

I told Andy that he did a great job, and definitely accomplished his mission that day.  I suggested that when God opens up another opportunity, he follow up with the kids and ask who they think Jesus is.

Because ultimately, if the great question of worth is, "who do you know?",  "Jesus" is the only answer that means anything at all.

So here is my boy- reminding me that we believers are ALWAYS on a mission.  The same mission that Paul was on:

"For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.  I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God." - 2 Corinthians 2:2-5

Paul did not determine to know the popular people and be known by them.  He didn't determine to be everyone's friend.  He didn't determine to gather all the knowledge he possibly could.  He didn't determine to seek out every possibility of fun that might exist.

He determined to know Christ.  And by knowing Christ alone, he became a vessel through which the Spirit's power worked mightily...so that MY faith now rests on the power of God.

This boy is on a mission, is he not? 

Will he be lonely?  Sad?  Ridiculed?  Maybe.  As Paul was fearful and trembled, my Andy may as well.  But if he remembers WHO he knows and what HE thinks of him, he will become the unstoppable force for good that he marches around pretending to be.

Because the Unstoppable Good lives in him that believes.  And loves him.  And sings over him.

And died for him.

I'm going to stop asking Andy why he doesn't play with anyone at recess.  Instead, when he gets home today, I'll ask him how the Mission went.